📕 Part 1: Telling Jokes

Are you good at telling jokes?

I like to think so, even though they don't always land with people, I can usually get at least a chuckle out of someone.

Have you ever watched a live comedy show?

I have. I've seen several, actually, and I always make the mistake of sitting in the front row or some other visible place and getting picked on by the comedian, which is both hilarious and mortifying.

Do you like to watch comedies?

Yeah, they're a nice way to lift my mood if I'm feeling a bit down. I'm watching one with my pals at the moment called Shrinking, which is about this group of therapists and what they get up to and that's quite fun. It's like a laugh a minute almost.

Do your friends like to tell jokes?

I think so, though maybe not quite at the rate I do. I think they usually tell humorous anecdotes rather than delivering one-liners, but everybody likes making people laugh, don't they?

Dear listener, we tell jokes. It might be a bit strange. We don't say jokes. We tell jokes. Tell jokes or crack jokes. We can make jokes. So make jokes, tell jokes, crack a joke. And jokes could be funny. Funny jokes, hilarious jokes, good jokes, or dirty jokes.

But we only talk about the first ones.

Yeah, unfortunately. Rory doesn't let me.

Not a good idea.

He controls everything I say. Seriously, dear listener, I don't have any freedom here on the podcast. Thanks Angels I could talk about a half-naked guy in that commercial.

Oh, coming back to this again, great. Very appropriate.

In that diet Coca-Cola commercial. Dear listener, did you watch the commercial? Oh, come on. A very common topic in IELTS is to talk about an advertisement you like or an is you are annoyed about. So please watch a Diet Coke commercial with a half-naked guy. So, you can say I'm not good at cracking jokes. I don't do that. Or, I think so. Sometimes I am. Are you good at telling jokes? Yes, I am. No, I'm not. Some jokes don't always land with people. So if you tell a joke, no one laughs. This is the worst that can happen. You tell a joke, you want people to laugh, how funny. But no one laughs. It's silence. So, the joke doesn't land well with people. People don't understand the joke, so they don't get the joke.

And it doesn't land.

Yeah, it doesn't land well. And usually people laugh at jokes. Oh, they laugh at my jokes. People don't usually laugh at my jokes. Or they don't get my jokes. They don't understand my jokes. So they don't get it. Or if someone tells a joke and then you say, oh, I don't understand. You say, oh, I don't get it. Could you explain it to me? That's why I explain the jokes, you see, dear listener. Just in case. Because sometimes it's a language joke. Rory, but if some people laugh, if I go like this, what do you call this?

And you chuckle. I've got a chuckle out of you. If you make someone laugh a little bit, then you get a chuckle out of them.

Yeah, chuckle is like laugh, but it's to laugh quietly. Not a big laugh, but to laugh quietly. Chuckle. So some people chuckle at my jokes. Some people chuckle nervously. Or he gave a chuckle. He just laughed quietly. Comedy shows, dear listener, some people are comedians, you might listen to English comedians, comedians in your country, comedians, people who do comedy. So a live comedy show. You go somewhere to watch people tell jokes from stage, watch some comedians live, a live comedy show. Maybe you don't do it, you've never done it. You can say, I never listen to any comedians. I don't like live comedy shows. I think they're stupid. Or, I've been to some really bad ones, that was horrible. And I stayed. I stayed there. It was a torture and I was like, why didn't I leave? I don't know.

I remember one time our producer Vanya took me to a Russian comedy show once and that was crazy.

Oh.

And of course, for those of you who don't know, I have also been in a comedy show as a performer.

Ooh, yeah. Sexy.

In the New York Comedy Club.

Ooh, look at you.

And that video is never seeing the light of day.

Oh. Look at you, Rory, as a comedian. That's your next job, Rory, in the next episode.

No, it's not.

Rory the comedian.

That was one of the wildest things I've ever done. And I am never doing that again.

Bravo. No, I'm proud of you, really.

Because I made a mistake.

No, it was experience. Dear listener, can you imagine just go there on stage and just crack jokes? I can do that, but...

No, no, it was worse than that, because I thought that's exactly what I was going to do. I wrote a set and I thought I was going to just do that. So I practiced it. And then I arrived and the person that was doing the show said, okay, everybody, we're doing hot topic, you know what that is? And I said, no, I don't know what that is. And she said, oh, okay, well, everyone in the audience is an experienced comedian. They're going to shout random topics at you and you have to improvise and

Oh.

I was like, I see.

Why, why did they do that?

Well, it's a normal thing to do to help performers improve, but obviously I didn't read the terms and conditions when I signed up to this thing and I was just like, oh my god, okay. Only two people in the world have seen the video to that and they all agreed that it was 50-50. 50% of the time the jokes landed and people laughed, and 50% of the time they bombed and the jokes did not land.

Wow.

Anyway, I made a mistake. Or, and you can make the mistake of doing something, like the mistake of sitting in the front row at a comedy show.

Yeah, you go to a show and you're sitting there right up front and usually the comedian looks at you and makes jokes about you sometimes. So you get picked on by the comedian. If you get picked on by the comedian, the comedian makes jokes about you. Sometimes not very good jokes, very offensive and you feel hurt. So they kind of pick on you. To pick on somebody is not good when you tell horrible jokes about this person. But this could be very funny to everybody else, so this is hilarious. Ha ha ha, hilarious, very funny. But it could also be mortifying when the comedian picks on you. The comedian says, oh, look at his tattoos. And he makes a joke and everybody laughs and you kind of look at your tattoo and say, I like my tattoo. Stop picking on me. So this could be mortifying, very embarrassing because they talk about your private life, it could be humiliating. It could be a mortifying experience because everybody laughs at you, right? So if you are not confident, then could be mortifying, horrible. We watch comedies, like films, comedy films, and they lift my mood. I like comedies, they lift my mood, they improve my mood, when I feel a bit down, when I feel sad, depressed, comedies improve my mood.

They make you feel better.

They make me feel better. Now I'm watching da da da, about da da da. It's great fun.

It's a laugh a minute.

What's that?

Well, if something is a laugh a minute, then it's constantly funny.

My friends tell humorous anecdotes.

Funny stories.

Yeah, funny stories. And it's interesting that an anecdote in English is a story.

Why, what is it in a different language?

But a story is kind of a made-up story, or a story about you. Your experience.

It's a story about what happened to you or something you heard happened.

Mm, but it's usually kind of true or half-true.

Yeah, maybe slightly embellished, which just means exaggerated.

Because in your language it might mean something different, right? So an anecdote, a short, often funny story, especially about something someone has done. So we tell amusing anecdotes. But what do you call a kind of a joke if I say, I'm going to tell you a joke like, once upon a time, there was a frog who did that, then she does that and ha ha ha. So would you call it, is it a joke, an anecdote?

I think that's more of a joke, I think.

Uh tell me the joke one more time.

No, I can't come up with a joke.

Okay. What do you expect on this podcast about jokes? Actual jokes? Okay, okay, okay. So, for example, there we go. I'm ready now. I'm ready. So, is this a joke or an anecdote? Okay? My husband told me to take the spider out instead of killing him. Went out, had a few drinks. Nice guy. He's a web designer. Oh my god. Right, so is this a joke or an anecdote?

Well, that's not an anecdote, that is a joke.

This is a joke. All right. Okay. But if I tell you, okay, once I went traveling by bicycle and I was driving along the road, one guy opened his car door and I just flew from my bike and landed on the road. So that's an anecdote.

Yes, that is.

Okay. Okay. Yeah. Now a funny story about Maria traveling by bicycle. A funny story about Maria almost dying. Yes. So, dear listener, the joke about the spider, did you get it? So my husband told me to take the spider out. Spider, at home, you see a spider, you take it out instead of killing him. Take spider out could also mean go out with the spider. Like you go out with your friend, and then the joke continues. Yeah, we went out to a cafe, had a few drinks. Nice guy, this spider. He's a web designer. Spiders have webs, right? So he's a web designer, this spider. Right, okay, so this is a joke and people laugh at jokes or no one laughs at jokes. Right. Okay, dear listener. How are you doing? Are we ready for some other jokes? So, okay, first, teaching some English words. So Rory, when you go to a hospital and they want to take a scan of your body, they put you in a special machine. What do you call it?

That could be a cat scan or an MRI. It depends on what it is. Or an x-ray as well.

MRI, MRI machine, dear listener, it scans everything in your body. And the first one?

And for magnetic resonance imager. A cat scan. I don't know what that stands for.

Yeah, cat scan.

I am going to say it's like controlled amplification technique or something like that. What is it? Oh, it's not. It's computed axial tomography.

Oh, okay. A medical imaging procedure that uses a combination of x-rays and computer processing to create highly detailed images of the inside of your body.

Right, exactly. So the joke is we don't know anything about medicine.

So the joke is. Dogs can't operate MRI machines, but cats can. So, oh my god. So, dogs and cat. So we have MRI machines, and we have this cat scan. But is a kind of a scan. So dogs and cats. Dogs can't operate MRI machines, but cats can do it. Cat scan.

That is wild, Maria.

Thank you.

Wild and crazy.

As you listen to our episodes, you can choose your favorite joke. I understand that many jokes are horrible, but again

Many of them.

many, yeah, but the English jokes, it's your, it's your, it's your language. You are to blame. So you can choose one or two of the jokes that you like and you can crack them during the test if the examiner asks you questions about jokes. Right, dear listener. Thank you very much for listening. We'll get back to you in our next episode. Okay? Bye.