📘 Part 3: Parents, children and rewards

Rory, give me some roar. Can you roar, Rory?

Meow.

Is this roaring? No, roar. Who usually roars?

It's close to a roar as we're getting. Come on. Let's do this.

Lions usually roar. Right? Right. Okay, okay. All right, right. Right. So exam questions. Okay. Rory, should parents reward their children when they help others?

I don't see why not. It's not like this knowledge of helping others exists in a vacuum, right? Children observe people doing good things and getting something out of it, even if it is just recognition. So why can't it work that way? It doesn't have to be something physical. It could just be encouragement and noticing, like I said.

And what kind of encouragement?

Well, that's an interesting question. Because usually people hear the word encouragement, and they think it needs to be spoken like well done, you did that, you should do it more. But it could just be something nonverbal like a thumbs up, or even a smile or happy expression. So there's all kinds of encouragement that children get. It doesn't have to just be this spoken word, as it were.

Are sweets good to reward children?

Well, in general, probably not, though, it would be a nice treat to have on the odd occasion, I think it would be just lazy and short-sighted to do that all the time, though. There are so many other ways to go about that might be longer-lasting, like building towards something larger, for example, or connecting praise to self-esteem. So I don't think like physical things like sweets are the best approach. But every now and then will be fine.

What rewards do children want to get?

Well, despite everything I just said, they probably want sweets or something physical like money as a reward for just about anything, though this is because they're so young, and their sense and understanding of motivation is a lot less developed. It's good, they're almost forced to appreciate the finer things in life in terms of reward. So even though they might not like it, parents might give them something else, even though they want something more physical.

You've mentioned money. So would money be a good reward for children?

I don't know. Assuming they were also being taught how to use money responsibly, then, yes. However, just passing out money willy-nilly is probably not such a great idea for parents or for children, because it has negative consequences for both. The parents lose money from their bank accounts and gets wasted and the children waste the money on ridiculous things if they haven't been taught how to use it properly.

How can parents reward their children?

Well, I think I already mentioned recognition, but maybe more long term things to work towards could include things like stickers and stars to show small amounts of progress toward a wider goal. They're also experiences like going to the cinema or giving them the choice of meal. I think that helps develop an awareness of what's possible in terms of reward or actions in general.

Is it good or bad that people feel proud of their possessions?

I imagine that depends on how they got them, and how and why they're expressing the pride. If it's after hard work to draw attention to what's possible and inspire others, then why not, it seems like a good idea. But if it's showing off about having ill-gotten goods, then I'd be less impressed, to be honest. I think most people would.

Do you think that some people feel guilty when they feel proud of their possessions?

Well, people feel guilty for all kinds of reasons. But again, it's um, it's a bit like the whole being proud of their possessions thing. It's got to be for the right reasons. I mean, if you've gotten your things through inappropriate means, then yeah, you probably should feel ashamed. But if you worked hard for something, then I don't see why you should feel ashamed of it.

What do people usually feel proud about?

Well, we've just spent a whole lot of time they're talking about possessions that they got well, and also people feel proud of their children, which we also spent a lot of time talking about. I think those are the main things. Maybe achievements over time, and I don't just mean like building something or having something that it could be having helped hundreds of people, for example, that's a non-physical achievement, probably. And so you could feel proud of that.

Rory, thank you so much for your answers. How should I reward you? Hmm, I think I'm gonna, it's gonna be verbal reward this time. Well done, Rory!

Thank you! -