This episode’s vocabulary
Constructive
adj. — if advice, criticism, or actions are constructive, they are useful and intended to help or improve something.
Mindless
adj. — stupid and meaning nothing.
Debate
noun — a serious discussion of a subject in which many people take part.
Moral
adj. — relating to the standards of good or bad behaviour, fairness, honesty, etc. that each person believes in, rather than to laws.
Liberties
plural noun — freedom to live as you wish or go where you want.
To interpret
verb — to decide what the intended meaning of something is.
Sibling
noun — a brother or sister.
Scarcely
adverb — almost not.
Fall out
phrasal verb — to argue with someone and stop being friendly with them.
Blood is thicker than water
saying — said to emphasize that you believe that family connections are always more important than other types of relationships.
Mediator
noun — a person whose job is to mediate in a disagreement (= talk to the people or groups involved to help them find a solution).
To mediate
verb — to talk to two separate people or groups involved in a disagreement to try to help them to agree or find a solution to their problems.
To resolve
verb — to solve or end a problem or difficulty.
Mature
adj. — mature people behave like adults in a way that shows they are well developed emotionally.
Give and take
noun — willingness to accept suggestions from another person and give up some of your own.
To alter
verb — to change something, usually slightly, or to cause the characteristics of something to change.
Non-negotiable
adj. — something that is non-negotiable cannot be changed by discussion.
Principle
noun — a moral rule or standard of good behaviour.
Compromise
noun — an agreement in an argument in which the people involved reduce their demands or change their opinion in order to agree.
Ethos
noun — the set of beliefs, ideas, etc. about the social behaviour and relationships of a person or group.
Context-dependent
adj. — depending on the situation within which something exists or happens.
Air one's dirty laundry in public
idiom — if you say that someone airs their dirty laundry in public, you disapprove of their discussing or arguing about unpleasant or private things in front of other people.
Permissible
adj. — allowed.
Uncouth
adj. — behaving in a rude, unpleasant way.
Questions and answers
Do you think arguments are important?
Well, provided that it's constructive, yes. I don't see the point on having mindless debates between sides who aren't searching for a solution. Of course, this can be quite entertaining to watch, but it doesn't really fix anything, does it?
What do family members usually have arguments about?
Until recently, I'd have said just moral issues that tend to divide generations and perhaps money and property. Usually, it's between parents and children over personal freedom or taking liberties depending on how you choose to interpret that. And between siblings when it comes to boundaries and taking things without asking permission. Nowadays, though, it seems people scarcely miss the chance to have a row, it's quite worrying.
Is it easier to have arguments with your family or with your friends?
Well, that's a good question. On the one hand, your friends ideally share the same ideas about the world, or at least similar ones. Otherwise, I don't know, why would you be friends? Of course, you could fall out about minor issues. On the other hand, they do say blood is thicker than water, and you might not want to disrupt those family ties. Since people seem to have fewer friends these days, I'd say it's easier to have rows with them. I'm not sure how you would go about proving that though.
If two people argue, do you think a third person should be involved in this argument?
Maybe as a mediator, if it's getting out of hand, or not particularly productive. Otherwise, it might be best to let people have at it and resolve their differences themselves. Usually, people are mature enough to do that.
But if they're not mature?
Well, then a mediator would be necessary.
Do you think people should change the way they think when having arguments?
Well, that's the point of having them, isn't it? Assuming you're both seeking a solution to a problem, then there should be some give and take and altering of the positions. Otherwise, it's just people venting and talking past each other. What a waste of time that is.
Why do you think some people are stubborn and unwilling to change?
Well, making changes is hard and it involves admitting you're wrong, which can be embarrassing. It also, well, I suppose it boils down to fear, really, and many people are just set in their ways and think that if something works for them, and they're comfortable, everything will be fine. Unfortunately, the world rarely works that way, if ever.
Is it always useful when having an argument to be stubborn and unwilling to change?
Maybe it's over some sort of non-negotiable moral principle, then yes. However, that is extremely rare. Usually, solutions can be found through arguments and compromise.
Is it essential to keep in mind that arguing can be very beneficial to the health of friendships?
Well, only if people share that ethos. If someone is on a mission to convert people or make them feel bad. And the other side of the equation isn't up for that, then it rarely ends well.
But would you agree that arguing is often unhealthy for friendships, for relationships?
Depends on the nature of the argument. Sometimes arguments can lead to new ways of thinking about things. Whereas if you're totally, I don't know, if you're at a party or something, then it might disrupt the atmosphere there. And that's not very beneficial for anybody. So it's very context-dependent.
What do you think of people who tend to argue in public?
It depends on what they're arguing about. If it's like an open-air debate, then that's quite permissible. If it's people airing their dirty laundry then I don't really want to hear about it and I doubt anyone else does. It's really, it's uncouth is what it is.
Thank you very for your lovely answers! -