📘 Part 3: Meeting new people

This episode's vocabulary

Let (one's) guard down (idiom) - to become less guarded; to stop being cautious about potential trouble or danger.

To put yourself in someone's place/position/shoes (idiom) - to imagine how someone else feels in a difficult situation.

Complexity (noun) - the state of having many parts and being difficult to understand or find an answer to.

To get something across (phrasal verb) - to manage to make someone understand or believe something.

To shoot the breeze (idiom) - to spend time talking about things that are not important.

Blather (noun) - silly or annoying talk that continues for a long time.

From scratch (idiom) - from the beginning, without using anything that already exists.

Common ground (noun) - shared interests, beliefs, or opinions between two people or groups of people who disagree about most other subjects.

Norm (noun) - an accepted standard or a way of behaving or doing things that most people agree with.

Prevalent (adj.) - existing very commonly or happening often.

To rub shoulders (idiom) - to meet and spend time with someone.

Gathering (noun) - a party or a meeting when many people come together as a group.

Circle (noun) - a group of people with family, work, or social connections.

Barrier (noun) - anything that prevents people from being together or understanding each other.

Extracurricular (adj.) - An extracurricular activity or subject is not part of the usual school or college course.

Diverse (adj.) - including many different types of people or things.

Viewpoint (noun) - a point of view.

To broaden (verb) - to become wider, or to cause something to become wider.

Authenticity (noun) - the quality of being real or true.

Curated (adj.) - gathered and presented to the public.

Fraudster (noun) - someone who gets money by deceiving people.

Scammer (noun) - someone who makes money using illegal methods, especially by tricking people.

Six of one and half a dozen of the other (idiom) - said when you think that neither of two choices is better than the other.

To enhance (verb) - to improve the quality, amount, or strength of something.

Face-to-face (adverb) - directly, meeting someone in the same place.

To be the root of the problem (idiom) - to be the cause of the problem.

Long run (noun) - a long period of time.

Short-term (noun) - a fight or argument between people.

To mismatch (verb) - to put together people or things that are unsuitable for each other.

To disrupt (verb) - to prevent something, especially a system, process, or event, from continuing as usual or as expected.

Clash (noun) - a situation in which people's opinions or qualities are very different from and opposed to each other.

Misunderstanding (noun) - a disagreement, argument, or fight.

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Questions and Answers

M: In what situations would people be willing to get to know new people?

R: I imagine, they'd be up for it in a variety of ways. I think, the two big categories are social and work events. In one, people can let their guard down in a comfortable environment and in the other, people often have to in order to work well together.

M: Why are some people unwilling to have conversations with others?

R: Well, I think some people find it difficult to make a good first impression, because of social anxiety or their general emotional state. So they don't even bother out of a sense of fear. Other people simply aren't interested in talking to people they have nothing in common with.

M: And is it difficult for adults to talk to children?

R: It will be for people who find it difficult to put themselves in their shoes. Um, there are differences in things like communication styles and complexity, that can prevent adults from getting their point across. And some people find it difficult to address the power dynamics effectively, so children might feel intimidated or hesitant to speak up. If you have patience or practice, though, it's possible to communicate effectively with children and build stronger relationships, that create a more positive and supportive work environment. And that will enable the child's growth and development. So it's not always difficult.

M: What's the difference between chatting with friends and new people?

R: Well, it's easier to shoot the breeze with friends, due to the depth of the familiarity you have. So you can bump up against boundaries that you might not be able to with people that you don't know. You can also call on shared experiences with greater ease, when having a blather with your friends, whereas with new people you're starting from scratch and may need to work harder to find common ground. On the other hand, with friends, there might be certain expectations or norms around the conversation, which can be an enabling or disabling factor, depending on what you're talking about. So both can be enjoyable and rewarding in different ways.

M: How and where do people in your country make friends these days?

R: Social media plays a much more prevalent role now and can help you connect with people who share similar interests and hobbies. Similarly, online communities and forums can help people achieve the same result. Outside of that, people can meet other new people, who share their values. Outside of that, there are also lots of sports teams or fitness classes for local people in different areas to rub shoulders, which have a lot in common with local events and gatherings. It's less common and takes more effort and initiative, but it's still, well, worth it.

M: And do you think it's harder for adults to make friends than for children?

R: Well, in general, it's probably harder for adults to make friends. They have busier schedules, more established social circles and a general lack of opportunities, due to age and workload. By contrast, children are often more naturally inclined to make friends and have fewer barriers to socialising. They may have more opportunities to meet new people through school, extracurricular activities and other events like that.

M: What are the benefits and drawbacks of meeting people on social media?

R: Well, in terms of benefits, it's easier to get in touch with people from diverse backgrounds and viewpoints via a large network, which can broaden your perspectives and expose you to new ideas. There are also elements of convenience connected to this, because you can always get online. However, there are issues with the lack of authenticity, since people may present a highly curated version of themselves. And that may not accurately reflect who they are in real life. Related to that, there are safety concerns, including the possibility of encountering fraudsters and scammers. And there's also difficulty in building meaningful relationships with people that you only know online.

M: Do you think that technology has made it easier or harder to meet new people?

R: Well, six of one and half a dozen of the other, really. You've increased access to potential friends through online communities and potential partners by dating apps. All of this can be enhanced by video chat functions to connect with people face to face, even when they're far away. On the other side of the coin is decreased real face-to-face interaction, which reduces the meaningfulness of connections. We already spoke about that. People also get addicted to social media, or they can, or it warps their perceptions and decreases their attention span. Lastly, there's social anxiety. Social media might not be the root of the problem, but it does nothing to help people address it in the long run, does it?

M: And why do some people find it hard to maintain friendships for a long time?

R: Probably for similar reasons why short-term ones fail to go the distance. Mismatching priorities as you grow and change, you may no longer have the same interests or values. There's also a general lack of effort due to transitions like marriage that can disrupt friendships. Especially if they result in decreased contact. You can also have personality clashes, due to misunderstandings and conflicts, which can make it hard to maintain friendships. And lastly, there's just distance in terms of time or physical distance, if there are limited opportunities to see each other.

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Discussion

M: Ooh, look at your detailed answers. Rory story.

R: Rich in vocabulary and grammar for a high score.

M: So first of all, some people are willing to meet new people, some people are unwilling to meet new people, which means pretty much they want or don't want to meet new people. So to be willing to do something or to be unwilling to do it. Rory, you've used a nice expression "people would be up for it".

R: Yes, they'd be willing to do something. Which is funny, because we're talking about people being unwilling.

M: So I imagine people would be willing to get to know new people in a variety of ways. So to avoid this repetition, you used the phrase "to be up for something". I imagine they, people, they'd be up for it in a variety of ways. And then some of the ways you mentioned are what? Work events, social events. Then, what did you mean by a comfortable environment? Like what? In a street, on a metro, in a library? Where? In a gym. Excuse me, I like you. Let's just meet each other.

R: People talk to each other in the gym. I don't, but other people do.

M: What did you mean, when you said some people can let their guard down?

R: Well, it means that they can relax and they're not ready to defend themselves or they're not feeling uncomfortable.

M: Some people might be unwilling to have conversations with others, just to have conversations with other people. So they kind of, don't want to have conversations with other people. And it's difficult, well, because. Yeah, one of the reasons for this is because it's difficult to make a good first impression. To make a good first impression. Some people might have social anxiety, so they're anxious, they're kind of like nervous in front of other people. Or their general emotional state could be what? Unstable?

R: When we talk about their general emotional state, I was just meaning that they might not have a great one. Yeah, they might not be feeling terribly great and... Or up for it. Yeah, they might not be feeling up for it. There we go, we've used it in a sentence.

M: Yeah. And if they don't feel up for it, they just don't even bother out of a sense of fear. So they don't even bother to talk to other people out of a sense of fear, because they fear something. Other people will not like them or they will not make a good first impression. So that's why they don't bother to talk to other people out of a sense of fear. And also, you can say that people may not have anything in common with other people or people may have nothing in common with other people. That's why they are not interested in talking to them. To have nothing in common? Like no common interests, there's nothing similar between people. They like different things. So such a question, yeah, like "is a difficult for adults to talk to children?". Well... Is it?

R: I don't know. I think, it depends on the person. I can see why it's difficult for them to talk to children, but it doesn't have to be.

M: And Rory, you mentioned, it could be difficult to put themselves, like adults, to put themselves in their shoes. So when adults put themselves in children's shoes. But this is an idiom.

R: Oh, is it? It's almost like I've been sprinkling idioms all over our part three answers, because, spoiler alert, we are working on an idioms course.

M: Yeah, and what does it mean when you put yourself in other people's shoes?

R: You consider their perspective. So you think about how they would feel in a certain situation.

M: And adults, children, they have differences in things like communication styles, complexity. Right? So communication styles, like the way people talk. Complexity, how complex things are. And this prevents adults getting their point across. So when you get your point across, when you get your message across to children, you explain things to children, you make sure that children understand your message. And because we have differences in communication styles, it's difficult to get adults' message across. So to get your point across. Could you give us another example with this "get your point across"?

R: Sure. It's difficult to get your point across when someone's not listening to what you're saying. Oh, when someone isn't up for listening to what you're saying. Ho-ho, it's an idiom-rich sentence.

M: Yeah. And it might be difficult to address the power dynamics. Right? Because children are always kind of dynamic, they are all around, all over the place. Yeah? Moving actively. So it might be difficult to address the power dynamics.

R: Oh, well, the power dynamics are how power works between two people or, well, two or more people. So an adult is in position of authority and children are usually not. So that can mean that children feel intimidated or reluctant to speak, because there's someone in authority talking to them.

M: So it's not about like, how active children are?

R: No, not for this. Actually, if we don't address the power dynamics, then it turns into adults being active and children being passive.

M: Yeah, so adults usually speak with this authority, because they're adults, they know stuff. And children may feel intimidated. Shoot the breeze with friends. Nice one.

R: It's an American idiom. Do you want to be an American idiom? Do you remember that song?

M: No.

R: No, it's a play on words. There was a song by Green Day called "American Idiot", but I've changed it to American idiom, because I'm funny and creative. Thank you for enjoying it.

M: So funny!

R: So rude.

M: All right, so to shoot the breeze with friends means to talk to friends about silly, something silly. Yeah, so when you shoot the breeze with friends, you don't talk on serious topics, right? So you shoot the breeze with your friends.

R: You can shoot the breeze with people you don't know as well.

M: But there are certain boundaries with new people that you talk to, yeah? There are certain boundaries in terms of topics, right? When you talk to friends, you can call on shared experiences. So to call on is a phrasal verb. To call on shared experiences, to just remember shared experiences, the same experiences that you had together. Kind of remind your friends of these experiences. Have a blather with your friends.

R: A blather, it's like, when you have a chat.

M: So stop blathering. So stop like talking in an annoying way. And you can like blather with your friends. You can talk about silly things with your friends, but with new people you meet, you may need to work harder to find common ground. So when you find common ground, you find some similar interests? Some similar topics you can talk about, yeah? When you talk with your friends or when you talk to new people, there are certain expectations or there are certain norms around the conversation. So we have certain norms, certain unwritten rules around the conversation. When you talk to new people, for example. We don't usually ask new people we meet about how much money they earn, about their age or about like intimate family business, yeah?

R: Usually. You get some weirdos who do.

M: Right, yeah, sometimes people ask these personal questions. People make friends. So people meet new people and we make friends with other people. That's the collocation, the phrase. Make friends. Where and how do people make friends? On social media. So you can say that social media plays a much more...

R: Prevalent.

M: Prevalent role, yeah. A major role. It prevails. And the social media connects people, who share similar interests, because we have online communities or forums where people like meet each other, right? And then Rory said that "outside of that", so like outside of social media. Like what else do we have? We have sports teams and fitness classes, where people can rub shoulders with each other.

R: It's another idiom.

M: Could you give us another example. Like rub shoulders?

R: Sure. If you go to parties, then you can rub shoulders with people from the local area.

M: Hey. Kind of like meet people from your local area. And then again, like where people have a lot in common. So a lot of things in common. They have the same interests, they have the same hobbies. And also Rory mentioned local events and gatherings. Gatherings - like parties, like get-togethers. Local gatherings in your community. You might have some gatherings, parties in the neighbourhood. Rory told us, that it's probably harder for adults to make friends. Why? Adults have busier schedules, so they're busier than children. Some adults have established social circles. So what did you mean by this?

R: Well, it just means... If something is established, it's usually fixed. And social circles are just people that you hang out with. It could be your friends or acquaintances. So if you've got established social circles, it just means that there are fixed groups of friends and they don't really let new people in.

M: Right. Adults don't tend to let new people in. So in their life, right? Again, we kind of, we're generalising. So kind of like some adults, right? Not everybody is like this. Then adult people may not make friends, because they don't have opportunities, due to age or workload. Yeah? So pretty much, adults are old and they work too much. On the other hand, children... So we compare adults to children, children are often more naturally inclined to make friends. So children are more open to make friends. So children are more naturally inclined to make friends. They have fewer barriers. So they don't have many barriers. Like language barriers, psychological barriers to socialising. Socialise is another synonym for communicate with other people, just chat with others, meet other people, socialise. And children have more opportunities to meet new people through school, through extracurricular activities, activities that they do after school. And through other events, yeah? So a really nice topic-specific vocabulary here. Then benefits, drawbacks of meeting people on social media. Yeah? So advantages, disadvantages, pluses, minuses. And you can start off with "in terms of benefits" or "in terms of drawbacks". And then list... Well, like one or two drawbacks, maybe. So Rory said that it's easier to get in touch with people.

R: Ooh, to get in touch with. Is that also an idiom?

M: Get in touch with? I think so, idiomatic expression, yeah. Because you don't literally touch people. You get in touch, you kind of contact them, you meet them.

R: I hope you don't literally touch people.

M: Oh, like I like you. Let's get in touch, touch, touch, touch. So you get in touch with people from diverse backgrounds on social media. Diverse - like different. Backgrounds - like where people are from, their education may be different from yours. And this broadens your perspectives, right? So this kind of like widens your perspectives on life. But there are issues connected with a lack of authenticity.

R: Yes. So people that you see online are not always what they seem like when you meet them in real life.

M: And you said that people online could present a highly curated version of themselves. What is that?

R: That just means that they have... Like they made sure that something facing the public looks good, but it's not the real them. They've just only shown the photos where they look good or they've only shown themselves having a good time at certain moments in their life, you know, other parts of their lives might not be quite as shiny and wonderful as is presented.

M: So if a person shows a curated version of themselves, does it involve the use of different filters? Kind of beauty for your face or your body.

R: I think that's one part of it, but it can be something as simple, as just choosing the information that you present to the world about yourself. You know, you'll probably have lots of pictures of yourself looking great and doing lots of things, but you probably won't have any pictures of you, I don't know, sitting by yourself looking miserable.

M: Crying, yeah, like in depression, at night, you know. So, yeah, so some people may present a highly curated version of themselves. So they present not real pictures of themselves, but yeah, they change the picture. These versions of themselves may not accurately reflect who they really are in real life. So doesn't show, doesn't show the truth. And also, you can talk about the safety concerns, like we talk about social media, meeting people online. So it may not be safe and we can encounter, we can face, we can deal with fraudsters, scammers. Specific words to mean criminals. Like fraud is a crime, so people who commit frauds they are called fraudsters. Or scammers.

R: If I had to draw a distinction between the two, I think, fraud is actually a crime and scams are not crimes, but they basically have the same function because they are just designed to get people out of their money.

M: Yeah.

R: But they're things that are legal, but they should... Like it's just immoral. What kinds of things are a scam?

M: Maybe if a person creates like a profile, but it's a profile of... It's not a real person, who is shown.

R: Yeah, that's a scam, because it's not illegal to do that, it's just really immoral to lie about things. Or selling workout programmes when you're on steroids. There was a famous case of that recently, like there's this guy who was like if you do these things and live like I do, then you will be, then you'll look amazing. And he was on all these drugs. I was just like... But he didn't, that's not illegal, that's just people being gullible, but that's not right, that's immoral. It should be absolutely outlawed.

M: Technology and meeting new people. How are these two connected? They are connected, obviously. So you have increased access to potential friends through online communities.

R: Are we not going to talk about the idiom for this one? Six of one and half a dozen of the other.

M: Oh, right, what did you mean by this?

R: I have sprinkled idioms throughout this episode, dear listener. So let's draw attention to this. Six of one and half a dozen of the other just means that it could go either way. So we talked about it being easier or harder to meet new people. And what I'm saying is, well, on balance, it's equally easy and it's equally hard for an equal number of reasons.

M: Could you give us another example?

R: What's better? Android or Apple? It's six of one and half a dozen of the other, because they have basically the same function.

M: Hey! Sweet. With technology, we have access to potential friends through online communities. We have dating apps, so dating applications. So we can meet potential partners, potential friends via dating apps. And this can be enhanced by video chat functions. So our communication, our online communication could be enhanced. Enhanced - improved. By video chat functions. So we can connect face-to-face, yeah?

R: We can, yeah. But it's not the same as being in real life with other people.

M: The other side of the coin.

R: Yes, it's another idiom.

M: So what's the other side of the coin? Like, on the flip side, the other side of the coin, like the disadvantage is that we have decreased real face-to-face interaction. Interaction - communication. So our face-to-face communication is decreased. And people could get addicted to social media. So they become addicts, so they use it non-stop all the time. Or it warps their perceptions.

R: It just means gives them... Or does strange things to their way of seeing the world. If you have a warped perception, then you're not seeing things as they really are.

M: And also this social anxiety. We can get this short attention span because of technology and we can get this social anxiety. We maintain friendships - we keep friendships. And we can have long-term friendships or short-term friendships. And Rory told us that sometimes people may start having mismatching priorities. So priorities? Like goals, something you prioritise in your life and your friends may have different priorities. That's why you have this mismatch, right? So mismatching priorities. As you grow and change. You see? So you grow and change and you may no longer have the same interests with your friends and you can't be friends with them for a long time. And also, there is a general lack of effort, so you don't make this effort. So marriage can disrupt friendships. And you may have personality clashes. So it's hard to maintain friendships for a long time, because you might have personality clashes. So your personality just, you know, clashes with other person's personality. Like there are misunderstandings, there are conflicts, you have different interests. Yeah, you have emotional problems.

R: The other person has emotional problems. You are fine.

M: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you are fine, dear listener. It's the other person, right? Sarcasm. Yeah, and this could make it hard to maintain friendships, right? And lastly, Rory mentioned distance, right? So long-term distance relationship or distant relationships, yeah? So there's this physical distance between people.

R: Yeah, well, if you live on one side of the country and the other person lives on the other side, then it's going to be difficult. Although, we seem to have done very well being separated by 3000 miles. Yay!

M: Ey!

R: Is it 3000 miles? It's a lot.

M: Three? I don't know. It seems like 7000 miles. I'm in Moscow and Rory is in the middle of nowhere. In Scotland? Wales?

R: Vanya is in Cyprus. Everyone is all over the place.

M: Yeah, yeah. Sweet! Hey! And we're still making this podcast possible. Thanks to you, dear premium listener!

R: Speaking of things that we've been making, we are now on 41 minutes of recording time. Perhaps, it's time to wrap up.

M: Yes, dear listener. A very rich episode with a library of idioms and good phrases for you about new people. Thank you so much for listening!

R: We'll see you next time!

M: Bye!

R: Bye!

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