📘 Part 3: Meeting new people

This episode's vocabulary

Let (one's) guard down (idiom) - to become less guarded; to stop being cautious about potential trouble or danger.

To put yourself in someone's place/position/shoes (idiom) - to imagine how someone else feels in a difficult situation.

Complexity (noun) - the state of having many parts and being difficult to understand or find an answer to.

To get something across (phrasal verb) - to manage to make someone understand or believe something.

To shoot the breeze (idiom) - to spend time talking about things that are not important.

Blather (noun) - silly or annoying talk that continues for a long time.

From scratch (idiom) - from the beginning, without using anything that already exists.

Common ground (noun) - shared interests, beliefs, or opinions between two people or groups of people who disagree about most other subjects.

Norm (noun) - an accepted standard or a way of behaving or doing things that most people agree with.

Prevalent (adj.) - existing very commonly or happening often.

To rub shoulders (idiom) - to meet and spend time with someone.

Gathering (noun) - a party or a meeting when many people come together as a group.

Circle (noun) - a group of people with family, work, or social connections.

Barrier (noun) - anything that prevents people from being together or understanding each other.

Extracurricular (adj.) - An extracurricular activity or subject is not part of the usual school or college course.

Diverse (adj.) - including many different types of people or things.

Viewpoint (noun) - a point of view.

To broaden (verb) - to become wider, or to cause something to become wider.

Authenticity (noun) - the quality of being real or true.

Curated (adj.) - gathered and presented to the public.

Fraudster (noun) - someone who gets money by deceiving people.

Scammer (noun) - someone who makes money using illegal methods, especially by tricking people.

Six of one and half a dozen of the other (idiom) - said when you think that neither of two choices is better than the other.

To enhance (verb) - to improve the quality, amount, or strength of something.

Face-to-face (adverb) - directly, meeting someone in the same place.

To be the root of the problem (idiom) - to be the cause of the problem.

Long run (noun) - a long period of time.

Short-term (noun) - a fight or argument between people.

To mismatch (verb) - to put together people or things that are unsuitable for each other.

To disrupt (verb) - to prevent something, especially a system, process, or event, from continuing as usual or as expected.

Clash (noun) - a situation in which people's opinions or qualities are very different from and opposed to each other.

Misunderstanding (noun) - a disagreement, argument, or fight.

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Questions and Answers

M: In what situations would people be willing to get to know new people?

R: I imagine, they'd be up for it in a variety of ways. I think, the two big categories are social and work events. In one, people can let their guard down in a comfortable environment and in the other, people often have to in order to work well together.

M: Why are some people unwilling to have conversations with others?

R: Well, I think some people find it difficult to make a good first impression, because of social anxiety or their general emotional state. So they don't even bother out of a sense of fear. Other people simply aren't interested in talking to people they have nothing in common with.

M: And is it difficult for adults to talk to children?

R: It will be for people who find it difficult to put themselves in their shoes. Um, there are differences in things like communication styles and complexity, that can prevent adults from getting their point across. And some people find it difficult to address the power dynamics effectively, so children might feel intimidated or hesitant to speak up. If you have patience or practice, though, it's possible to communicate effectively with children and build stronger relationships, that create a more positive and supportive work environment. And that will enable the child's growth and development. So it's not always difficult.

M: What's the difference between chatting with friends and new people?

R: Well, it's easier to shoot the breeze with friends, due to the depth of the familiarity you have. So you can bump up against boundaries that you might not be able to with people that you don't know. You can also call on shared experiences with greater ease, when having a blather with your friends, whereas with new people you're starting from scratch and may need to work harder to find common ground. On the other hand, with friends, there might be certain expectations or norms around the conversation, which can be an enabling or disabling factor, depending on what you're talking about. So both can be enjoyable and rewarding in different ways.

M: How and where do people in your country make friends these days?

R: Social media plays a much more prevalent role now and can help you connect with people who share similar interests and hobbies. Similarly, online communities and forums can help people achieve the same result. Outside of that, people can meet other new people, who share their values. Outside of that, there are also lots of sports teams or fitness classes for local people in different areas to rub shoulders, which have a lot in common with local events and gatherings. It's less common and takes more effort and initiative, but it's still, well, worth it.

M: And do you think it's harder for adults to make friends than for children?

R: Well, in general, it's probably harder for adults to make friends. They have busier schedules, more established social circles and a general lack of opportunities, due to age and workload. By contrast, children are often more naturally inclined to make friends and have fewer barriers to socialising. They may have more opportunities to meet new people through school, extracurricular activities and other events like that.

M: What are the benefits and drawbacks of meeting people on social media?

R: Well, in terms of benefits, it's easier to get in touch with people from diverse backgrounds and viewpoints via a large network, which can broaden your perspectives and expose you to new ideas. There are also elements of convenience connected to this, because you can always get online. However, there are issues with the lack of authenticity, since people may present a highly curated version of themselves. And that may not accurately reflect who they are in real life. Related to that, there are safety concerns, including the possibility of encountering fraudsters and scammers. And there's also difficulty in building meaningful relationships with people that you only know online.

M: Do you think that technology has made it easier or harder to meet new people?

R: Well, six of one and half a dozen of the other, really. You've increased access to potential friends through online communities and potential partners by dating apps. All of this can be enhanced by video chat functions to connect with people face to face, even when they're far away. On the other side of the coin is decreased real face-to-face interaction, which reduces the meaningfulness of connections. We already spoke about that. People also get addicted to social media, or they can, or it warps their perceptions and decreases their attention span. Lastly, there's social anxiety. Social media might not be the root of the problem, but it does nothing to help people address it in the long run, does it?

M: And why do some people find it hard to maintain friendships for a long time?

R: Probably for similar reasons why short-term ones fail to go the distance. Mismatching priorities as you grow and change, you may no longer have the same interests or values. There's also a general lack of effort due to transitions like marriage that can disrupt friendships. Especially if they result in decreased contact. You can also have personality clashes, due to misunderstandings and conflicts, which can make it hard to maintain friendships. And lastly, there's just distance in terms of time or physical distance, if there are limited opportunities to see each other.

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