📕 Part 1: People's names

This episode's vocabulary

Recall (verb) - to bring the memory of a past event into your mind.

Sieve (noun) - a tool consisting of a wood, plastic, or metal frame with a wire or plastic net attached to it. You use it either to separate solids from a liquid, or you rub larger solids through it to make them smaller.

Reassure (verb) - to comfort someone and stop them from worrying.

Condescending (adj.) - treating someone as if you are more important or more intelligent than them.

Cheeky (adj.) -  arrogant, but often in a funny way.

Dress sense (noun) - the ability to dress well in attractive combinations of clothes that suit you.

Coax sth out of sb (phrasal verb) - to get something from someone, by being kind and patient.

Prompting (noun) - the act of trying to make someone say something.

Unfazed (adj.) - not surprised or worried.

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Questions and Answers

M: Is it easy for you to remember people's names?

R: Well, now that I'm making more of an effort yes, it's much easier compared to before. I used to have terrible trouble recalling people's names, and it really bothered me. So I took some steps to change that.

M: How do you remember people's names?

R: Well, the first thing is I use them often. Usually after explaining I have a memory like a sieve to reassure people that I'm not being condescending and then I try to write down and remember something about them. So, for example, in your case, it's blonde hair, you're cheeky and you have a hell of a dress sense. And from there, as you interact more, you build up a more complete picture of the person until you remember everything, including your name.

M: Do you often forget people's names?

R: I'm not terribly proud of it, but sometimes yes. And then I have to find a way to cope with it, like trying to coax out with people or the company that we're keeping at that moment. Sometimes it'll just come up after a while. Um, other times it's a bit more like prompting. And then I give up and just say something like, look, I'm really sorry for being rude, but I've forgotten your name. Can you help me out? And most people are quite understanding since they know that I speak to something like 50 people every day. So it's difficult to remember all the names.

M: What do you do to remember a specific name?

R: Well, nothing out of the ordinary that I haven't already mentioned. If I need to remember a name for a presentation, I'll write it down amongst a few other notes, for example. Or I'll have it displayed on the slides I'm using, that's usually quite helpful.

M: How do you feel when people don't remember your name?

R: Well, usually I'm completely unfazed by it and help them out, though admittedly there is only one Rory in all of Russia and I usually make quite an impression. So this is not a common experience for me. But in Moscow, people are busy. They don't necessarily have the time to remember everything. So it's OK. Being offended is usually a huge waste of time when it comes to people remembering your name.

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Discussion

M: Thank you Rory for your detailed answers.

R: Hopefully we can give a name to some of the vocabulary that we like.

M: Let's do that. And while you're preparing for this topic, we have another episode about names. We recorded it in 2019 and the episode is called "Names". But in 2021, they can ask you questions about people's names and we've picked these current questions for you guys. So when we say remember people's names, we can also say recall, right?

R: Yes, it's important to paraphrase effectively for a high score.

M: Band 9 score. So we recall people's names. You can say it's hard for me to recall people's names.

R: Yes. And then you take some steps to change this and it's always take steps.

M: And you can have, for example, a good memory, a photographic memory, or you may not have a good memory for names.

R: Or you could have a memory like a sieve, to explain.

M: Rory's memory is like a sieve. A sieve is this item in the kitchen, like...

R: You've really narrowed it down there!

M: You put stuff and then you sieve it.

R: It's the thing that you use to filter out water from things like pasta, for example. It's like a colander, but it's got finer holes.

M: Yeah. If you have an idea what we're talking about, just google sieve. How do you spell sieve?

R: It's a good question.

M: Yeah. So we can say that I have a good memory for names or for faces. A memory for faces, a memory for names. The preposition is for. Sometimes Rory is making more of an effort to remember people's names.

R: And you always make an effort. And in comparison to the effort that you made before you make more of an effort.

M: You've used a nice adjective. Condescending.

R: Yeah. If you're condescending to people, you talk to them like they're stupid. This is something that I very rarely do because I work with such intelligent people.

M: So if you are condescending, are you arrogant?

R: Well, you can be arrogant, but you can sound condescending without being arrogant. You can just it can just be the tone of your voice.

M: How about OK, so I ask you a question. Could you sound condescending? Rory, do you like my name?

R: Well, darling, you've got such a nice name and such a nice name, isn't it, Vanya. Very nice. Nice name, Maria.

M: Oh God, yes. That was condescending.

R: Yeah.

M: Please don't talk like that.

R: I won't. Don't worry. You guys aren't stupid. I wouldn't need to speak to you that way.

M: And for me, you've used a nice adjective. Cheeky.

R: Yes, cheeky.

M: Because I have two cheeks.

R: No, because you are cheeky. Cheeky is like a nice way of saying someone is. What's the best way to describe cheeky. It's like you sort of sneakily get away with things, but it's OK because it's kind of fun.

M: And you're a bit brave.  Like brave things.

R: Yeah. But it's like you say what you think or you just do things in a kind of cute way that people don't mind. It's tricky.

M: Oh, so sweet.

R: Hell of a dress sense.

M: Hell of a dress sense. Yes. And the hell of a dress is an adjective in this context.

R: It is. Although in this case you could if you don't fancy saying hell, then you could say heck of a dress.

M: Heck of a dress.

R: Which is just another way of saying that Mary is very nicely dressed. And if you could see her now, you would agree. Well, you could see her anytime. You would agree. In order to learn someone's name, you have to interact with them, which is just another way of saying that you have to talk to them.

M: Communicate with them.

R: To gain a more complete picture of a person, because a picture is not just something physical that you have a picture of something, something, someone in your mind.

M: Yeah. And you said like to build up a more complete picture, like to gain, to build up to.

R: It's funny actually because the expression a more complete picture of the person is a phrase, but it's kind of ironic because if something is complete, you don't need to build it up and there shouldn't be more of a complete thing. But it's a phrase.

M: What did you mean when you said coax it out of people?

R: Oh, coax it out of people is like trying give people a prompt or trying say something that makes people want to give you their name. Like you can. One of the things I do is say to people, how do you spell your name again? Which almost always works until someone says something like, My name is John.

M: How do you spell that?

R: How do you spell John?

M: My name is Bob.

R: Yeah.

M: Oh god, once I was helping this teacher and his name was Bob, and I'm telling him like, oh, we have different resources and books and you can go there and open this program. And Bob's your uncle. You have all the books. He just looks at me like, ha ha ha, Bob's your uncle. And then I go, like, why is he, like, laughing at me like that? And then I was going somewhere and it dawned on me that his name is Bob. And I've just said, Bob's your uncle.

R: At least he thought you were funny.

M: Yeah, this was funny. I didn't realize it, though. So you guys a "Bob's your Uncle", it's like kind of voilà. Yes, that's a great explanation.

R: But if it doesn't work, then you can just give up.

M: No, you never give up. You keep going.

R: No, if you don't, you can only go so far with trying to coax someone's name out before you just say, like, can you please tell me your name? I've forgotten because I'm silly.

M: Yeah, you can ask them to prompt to give you some prompts, hints like the first name or the first name. The first letter of the name. Like oh your name is, give me the first letter. Yeah, and then.

R: Does that work? I would just be honest with people.

M: No, actually it works with me. Well sometimes like I do remember the name, but I kind of forgot it.

R: This is obviously the privileges that you have when you're a small, blonde, attractive woman. I don't think if I said that I would get away with it.

M: Oh, no, you are small, attractive native speaker. So that would work for you, too.

R: Doesn't really work in Russia because people only have five names in this country.

M: Well, yes, we do. You know, but nowadays people have started calling their children something crazy, like Moskva.

R: Someone called their child Moskva?

M: Yeah, it's crazy or Saint Petersburg. Elon Musk, for example. His child's name is a word. Yeah. Elon Musk's child's name is like e twenty five w z 2.

R: Well that's not dehumanizing, is it?

M: So some people are, I don't know, well they call their kids strange names.

R: Like Rory.

M: Rory is one of the best names. And actually Rory I've done some research. OK, so Rory is a name of Irish origin which means Red King. Dear Listener Rory means Red King. So you have, we have a Red King on this podcast. Whoo hoo! Red Power. And there was a king in the twelve century.

R: Well, there's a politically neutral phrase in the Russian Federation.

M: Absolutely neutral, red. Red color. Yeah. So his name was Rory O'Connor. Yep, and Rory is considered to be one of the coolest names starting with R.

R: Because it's the only name starting with R.

M: No, you have Roger, you have a Rooster, which is not a name.

R: Rooster is not a name.

M: Rob, but like, OK.

R: I have a friend called Rob, he's quite cool. I have two friends called Rob. They're cool.

M: But Rory is the best of the best.

R: Seems so.

M: And if you google Rory you can come across a digital health clinic for women, which is called surprise-surprise Rory.

R: In Russia?

M: No, not in Russia.

R: Where is it?

M: Somewhere out there.

R: Well, you'd obviously, obviously very in-depth research for this if you don't know where the clinic is.

M: Maybe in the States, but it's called Rory. Hmm. So where are you going? I'm going to Rory. Rory does have some good eyelashes. I need a nose job. Let's go to Rory's.

R: Well, I do have good eyelashes, though. People frequently comment on my eyelashes. Anyway, we're getting off topic.

M: Yeah, unfazed.

R: Unfazed.

M: When you are completely unfazed by something.

R: You're not bothered. You don't react.

M: So when people forget your name, as amazing as it is, you just you're unfazed by it.

R: Shrug my shoulders and move on. There are more offensive things in the world and people forgetting your name.

M: And the last sentence of Rory's answer was a good quote. Being offended is usually a huge waste of time.

R: Yeah.

M: So to be offended, to be hurt. When someone hurts your feelings, you can get offended. According to Rory Duncan Fergus.

R: Rory Fergus Duncan-Goodwillie. Completely unfazed.

M: He's giving me the look now, dear listener. He's giving me the look now.

R: I said I was unfazed usually, but Maria has just made a mess of my name like five times in a row.

M: Oops, I'm in trouble. Save me. So I should remember Rory's full name. Yeah, that's pretty much all we can say on names. No, when I was thinking about this episode, I was thinking of one situation that you can really get in trouble because of the name. It's, you know, like you are with your girlfriend or boyfriend and then you forget their name. No, no. You just accidentally call them using your ex's name.

R: I've done that before. Not the ex's name but I've forgotten the name. I don't know why, we were in a club and I was introducing to people and I was like "and this is my partner". And then I looked at her and I was just like, oh, I've forgotten your name.

M: I think this is embarrassing, but if, for example, you have been with this person for a year, or for two years. And then you call them by your ex's name. That's it. Right? Pretty much like you can never make up for it.

R: I also think it's funny, but that's because it hasn't happened to me.

M: So maybe, dear listener, it happened to you. So let us know in the comments section on Instagram. Like, have you ever had such a situation and what did you do to make up for it? So what happened? Yeah, I've never had this before, but my ex boyfriend called his ex girlfriend by my name and she got very upset. So, yeah. Thank you so much for listening. We love you. We hug you. We'll see you soon. Bye!

R: Bye!

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