📘 Part 3: Achievement and encouragement

This episode's vocabulary

Put a lot of effort into (something) (phrasal verb) – to work hard to achieve something. → Adults feel proud after they've achieved something they put a lot of effort into.

Exceed expectations (verb phrase) – to be much greater than anticipated. → Children feel proud when they exceed the expectations of the people around them.

Be bound to (do something) (phrasal verb) – to be very likely to do or feel a particular thing. → If you give children rewards for no reason, they're bound to become used to getting something for nothing.

Mindset (noun) – a person's way of thinking and their opinions. → Getting something for nothing isn't a great mindset for a child to have.

Reinforce (behavior) (verb) – to make a behavior or idea stronger. → It's a good way to reinforce good behavior and celebrate that something nice happened.

Low-income family (noun phrase) – a family that earns less than the average amount of money. → I doubt that a low-income family could afford much in terms of rewards.

Obnoxious (adjective) – very unpleasant or rude. → In some cultures, certain behaviors might be seen as amazing, while in others they could be seen as obnoxious.

Insightful (adjective) – showing a clear and deep understanding of a complicated problem or situation. → Parents might feel proud when their child asks a really insightful question.

Help out with (something) (phrasal verb) – to help someone, especially by doing a particular task. → Children can make their parents proud by helping out with the housework.

Model citizen (noun phrase) – a person seen as a perfect example of a good, law-abiding member of a society. → Parents are happy when their child is polite or a model citizen.

Commensurate with (adjective) – in a correct and suitable amount compared to something else. → A huge achievement deserves a huge reward that is commensurate with it.

Questions and Answers

Maria: On what occasions would adults be proud of themselves?

Rory: I suppose after they've achieved something they put a lot of effort into, like getting a promotion or a qualification that means they're able to do things or more things. So they can be more useful to people and, well, more useful to more people, or even just themselves.

Maria: And what about children, when are children proud of themselves?

Rory: You'd have to ask them. I suppose, probably when they meet the expectations or exceed the expectations of people around them and they're told that they did that. So that's pretty cool.

Maria: Is it good to reward children regularly?

Rory: Well, surely that depends on whether they earned it or not, doesn't it? I mean, if you just give kids rewards all the time for no reason, then they're bound to become used to just getting something for nothing, which isn't a great mindset to have, as it could make them selfish. But if they're working hard and being nice to others, then I don't see why not. That seems like a great idea.

Maria: Should parents reward children? And how?

Rory: Well, like I said, assuming it's something they worked for, why not? It's a good way not only to reinforce the behavior, but also to celebrate that something nice happened. As for how, well, again, that depends on what resources the parents have. I doubt that a low-income family could afford much, but they could definitely get something small to say thank you for doing something well.

Maria: For example, how exactly can parents reward their children?

Rory: It could be something like a toy or a sweet, even. Or if they have it, then it could be money, financial reward is always quite nice.

Maria: And what should parents reward their children for?

Rory: Well, at least for meeting their expectations and doing the right thing. That's quite important. Anything the parents want to see happen again should be rewarded, I think. Or at least qualifies for our award. Not everybody is rewarded for doing good things.

Maria: When would parents feel proud of their children?

Rory: Some things that kids do in one culture could be seen as amazing, while others might find it well, downright offensive or obnoxious. I suppose broadly speaking, it could be when they work hard and achieve something they wouldn't normally have done or that might not be expected for the majority of kids, like winning a competition or asking a really insightful question.

Maria: What do children usually do to make their parents proud?

Rory: Apart from what I said, all kinds of things: helping out with the housework, for example, that's usually something people are very happy with, or, being polite or a model citizen, so that other people compliment the parents on their work raising such a great child.

Maria: And what else can parents do to motivate their children to achieve better results?

Rory: Apart from what I said, I think those are the main ones. I mean, usually it's something that's going to motivate them to do things further. So the same things that will motivate adults should motivate kids, broadly speaking. Maybe it could be proportional to the amount of work that they put in. So, let's say it's a really big thing, like winning a competition or coming first out of all of the students taking a particular exam, then it could be a laptop, because that's a huge achievement. So a huge reward is commensurate with that.