📘 Part 3: Apologies and forgiveness

This episode's vocabulary

Common courtesy (n) – polite behaviour that shows respect for other people. → People in my country often apologize just out of common courtesy.

Make up for something (phrasal verb) – to do something that corrects a mistake you have made, or a bad situation you have caused. → When you do something wrong, you need to make up for it.

Acknowledge (v) – to accept, admit, or recognize something, or the truth or existence of something. → It's important to apologize just to acknowledge the inconvenience.

Faux pas (n) – words or behaviour that are a social mistake or not polite. → They may not have realized what they did was a serious faux pas.

Stubborn (adj) – determined to do what you want and refusing to do anything else. → Some people are just extremely stubborn and want to avoid the consequences of their actions.

Perfunctory (adj) – done quickly, without taking care or interest. → An apology shouldn't be something perfunctory; you should mean it.

Inexcusable (adj) – too bad to be accepted or forgiven. → For something really inexcusable, people definitely won't like apologizing but it's part of making up for what you've done.

Let someone off the hook (idiom) – to allow someone to escape from a difficult situation or punishment. → If it's a minor infraction, you could probably just let yourself off the hook and not worry about it.

Overly apologetic (adj) – showing that you feel sorry about something too much or too often. → Constantly saying sorry might make you look a bit overly apologetic.

Oversensitive (adj) – too easily upset or offended. → Apologizing for every small thing could make you seem oversensitive.

Own up to something (phrasal verb) – to admit that you have done something wrong. → If they're the only one owning up to things, it might feel disproportionate.

Take responsibility (collocation) – to agree to be in charge of something or to accept the blame for something. → If they're the only one taking responsibility, then it might feel disproportionate.

Questions and Answers

Maria: Do people in your country often apologize?

Rory: Yeah, just out of common courtesy. Everyone occasionally gets in people's way and you need to make up for it. Even if it's a relatively minor thing, just to acknowledge the inconvenience.

Maria: Why do some people find it hard to apologize?

Rory: Well, I suppose they might not see they've done something wrong. And they might be right, come to think of it. Alternatively, they may not have realized what they did was a serious faux pas, and they properly messed something up. And of course some people are just extremely stubborn and want to avoid the consequences of their actions.

Maria: Do you think children should be taught to apologize from a young age?

Rory: As long as they mean it and it's not something perfunctory or they feel they have to do it, even when they've done nothing wrong. Absolutely. It's just good manners. It shows you respect people and you recognize you did something wrong, even if it was by accident.

Maria: Do people in your country like to say sorry?

Rory: I'm not sure they like it, but they certainly don't have a problem saying it for minor things like being a little bit late or getting something wrong. For something really inexcusable, they definitely won't like it but it's part of making up for what you've done.

Maria: Do you think people should apologize for anything wrong they do?

Rory: Well, I think that depends really. If it's a minor infraction and no one was harmed as a result, then you probably could just let yourself off the hook and not worry about it too much since it might make you look a bit overly apologetic or oversensitive.

Maria: Why do some people refuse to say sorry to others?

Rory: Other than the reasons I suggested before, I suppose they could feel like they're taking more than their share of the blame. So if they're the only one owning up to things or taking responsibility, then it might feel disproportionate and they wouldn't want to do it.

Maria: Are women better than men at recognizing emotions?

Rory: On average, I probably not. I mean, we're all human so our capacity to understand each other is, well, it needs to be equally distributed so that we can survive. It's a bit like saying, I don't know, men somehow lack a key component of the human experience or women are overly sensitive, and I don't think that's true. At least there's no evidence of this.