📘 Part 3: Arguments

This episode's vocabulary

To contradict (verb) - (of people) to say the opposite of what someone else has said, or (of one fact or statement) to be so different from another fact or statement that one of them must be wrong.

Consensus (noun) - a generally accepted opinion or decision among a group of people.

Defensive (adj.) - too quick to protect yourself from being criticized.

Debate (noun) - (a) serious discussion of a subject in which many people take part.

Resolution (noun) - the act of solving or ending a problem or difficulty.

Poke fun at someone (idiom) - to make someone seem stupid by making jokes about them or laughing unkindly.

Discretion is the better part of valour (phrase) - said when you believe it is wise to be careful and avoid unnecessary risks.

Detached (adj.) - a detached person does not show any emotional involvement or interest in a situation.

Cool (adj.) - calm and not worried or frightened; not influenced by strong feeling of any kind.

To articulate (verb) - to express in words.

To spiral (verb) - if a situation spirals, it quickly gets worse in a way that becomes more and more difficult to control.

Imbalance (noun) - a situation in which two things that should be equal or that are normally equal are not.

To differ (verb) - to disagree.

Falling-out (noun) - an argument.

To model (verb) - to make a model of something.

To be enshrined in sth - a political or social right is enshrined in something, it is protected by being included in it.

Treaty (noun) - a written agreement between two or more countries, formally approved and signed by their leaders.

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Questions and Answers

M: What do people usually do if they disagree with someone?

R: Well, ideally, they'll gently contradict them and try to reach some consensus about what the best idea or course of action is. Usually, that's the case in calm circumstances, at least, and people don't get too defensive.

M: And do you think that some people could get aggressive when they disagree with someone? So what happens?

R: Well, they could, but that's usually because they feel like there's some sort of threat to them or their identity, or maybe their culture. And so they get aggressive because they feel like that's what they need to do to in order to defend them.

M: Are arguments important?

R: Well, that will depend entirely on what you're having the debate about in the first place. I suppose if it's to compare and contrast ideas to find a solution or resolution to that situation, then it's a good idea. Similarly, if it's a good-natured one with a social purpose, like poking fun, then it's also good. But if it's just arguing for the sake of it, then that's not a very productive use of time, is it?

M: And do you think it's better to have an argument rather than not to have an argument at all, when people disagree with each other?

R: Well, what's the expression? Discretion is the better part of valour? Sometimes it's better not to have an argument, which is going to make the situation worse for you or the other person, or both of you. You don't need to win every argument.

M: How can people stop an argument from turning into a fight?

R: Well, it probably depends on the reasons behind it too. But generally, I think if you stay detached, and keep a cool head, while you're calmly articulating your point, then it's easy to stop things from spiralling out of control. If you do things like focus on your breathing, and like I said, remember, you don't have to win every argument, it usually helps too.

M: What disagreements do parents and children usually have?

R: Oh, all kinds. It's usually about the power imbalance that exists between them and parents wanting children to do something that they don't want to do. You know, for example, like tidying a room or being on time for events when young people just want to be outside playing.

M: What do brothers and sisters argue about?

R: Well, not having a sister growing up, it's hard for me to say with any certainty, however, I'd imagined that they have rows about, oh, I don't know, sharing toys, or deciding on how to use them. I mean, there was a study about how boys and girls played with different toys in different ways. So that would certainly make sense the way I see it.

M: What arguments occur between family members?

R: Oh, other than brothers and sisters? I suppose husbands and wives can differ over finances and how to raise their children. And in turn, the grandparents will probably have different views on life due to the generation gap. And there will be all the usual family drama that takes place for like around inappropriate behaviour and other falling-outs.

M: And do you think people should strive to resolve arguments within a family?

R: Well, either that or prevent them from happening in the first place? I mean, sometimes these things just sort themselves out. So in fact, trying to fix the problem actually makes it worse. So it all depends on the context.

M: Who do you think should teach children to respect the teacher and not to argue with the teacher?

R: Well, ideally, all the adults in the room should be teaching each other, or to be teaching children to respect their elders, and in turn should be showing respect to children as well. So everyone's responsible. Teachers do it by modelling the appropriate behaviour and setting high expectations and parents do it by doing the same thing I suppose.

M: And do you think it's okay to argue with a teacher at school?

R: In a context of working out a solution to a problem? Yes. But in the context of creating more drama or wasting time? No, it's not, because you're there to learn.

M: And do you think these days there are many children who prefer to argue with teachers at school?

R: Well, I mean, probably, I don't know how you would prove that because I don't think it's ever been measured, but probably yes, because young people have their rights enshrined in various laws and treaties. And this affords them the ability to have a more active discussion with their teachers. But that doesn't necessarily mean that they'll be arguing with them, like in the way that people have rows and debates and things. It's just a discussion.

M: Thank you, Rory, for your answers!

R: Hopefully, they were arguably good ones!

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Discussion

M: So first of all, we have arguments with people, yeah? We argue with people over something or about something. Yeah?

R: Yeah.

M: We argued about Batman, for example.

R: Well, you argued about Batman, I just told you I was right.

M: Don't start. All right?

R: No, you start. I just finish.

M: Right. We can also say, quarrel with people, have a debate about something. But is have a debate about something similar to argue with people about something?

R: Yeah, it's probably a more formalized version of it. So the debate is like the format where there's two sides, and there's a specific topic. And the arguments are what the tools that either side uses to win.

M: And when people have an argument, they generally want to agree on certain things. Or they try to reach some consensus, okay? To reach some agreement, or to reach some consensus. That's a nice one. They contradict each other. So they disagree with each other. So they contradict.

R: Or they say why one side is wrong. Like in your case, when you talk about Batman, which is wrong, he is not a superhero.

M: Batman is a superhero.

R: Batman is not a superhero.

M: Then they decide on the best idea or course of action. So they try to reach consensus, and they decide on the course of action. So what are they going to do to reach consensus, for example. Some people get defensive, all right? So usually, in an argument, you want to defend yourself, defend, like, if we think about war, and armies, so soldiers, they defend themselves, right? If somebody attacks the other person, so this person has to defend themselves. And in an argument, people get defensive. So they start saying that okay, no, Rory, you are wrong Batman is this, and you are this, you know, so people get defensive.

R: Yes. But it's important to point out that getting defensive is like a special kind of feeling, because it means that they are defending, not their argument, but they're defending themselves because they feel like they're being attacked, not the idea. And that means that they're not feeling too good about it.

M: They feel a threat to themselves, right? So something like is threatening their own personality, their own person, and they get defensive. Arguments are important in our life. And Rory said that it will depend entirely on what it's about, or what's it over. An argument over something. And then we find a solution to a situation, yeah? Or we find a resolution to an argument. That's a nice one. And then an argument could be a good-natured one. So what does it mean, a good-natured argument?

R: Yeah, it just means that you're having fun while you're doing it, and it's not done to hurt the other person's feelings. It's just a discussion to try and find a solution.

M: Yeah, when you poke fun, poke fun when you have fun when you make fun of another person, but in a good way. And it's not just arguing for the sake of arguing. Yeah? It's not productive. So productive arguments. What else can we say? Like what kind of arguments can there be? Like negative ones.

R: Violent arguments, protracted arguments, so just like ongoing ones, and then even then ongoing argument, so something continues.

M: Or good-natured arguments.

R: Friendly.

M: And then Rory, you said something like discretion is part of something.

R: So discretion is the better part of valour means something like it's better to avoid a dangerous situation than to confront it. So that just means, like in the case of an argument, like it's better to avoid the argument or like finding the solution than to actually engage in it because it could make the situation worse.

M: Yeah. Yeah. So sometimes we should just avoid this argument. And it's not important to win every argument. Right? So we win arguments, we deal with arguments, we resolve arguments.

R: However, some arguments, some things are worth fighting over, like whether Batman is a superhero or not, which he isn't.

M: Batman is a superhero. He is not just a man, right?

R: He is a man in a bat costume solving crimes. Even though he is a vigilante and should not be doing that.

M: He's got bats inside himself.

R: He does not have a bat inside himself, that if he does, then he is crazy.

M: Rory, we have another question. We have another question. How do we stop an argument from escalating into a fight? So an argument could escalate?

R: You could stop this argument escalating into a fight by just admitting the truth. That Batman is not a super.

M: And you see, like an argument could be just an argument but then a fight, so it could turn into a fight or it could escalate, escalate into a fight? The proposition. Escalate into?

R: Sorry, I'm yawning. Escalate into or escalate to become.

M: To become a fight. Right. A fight like when you kind of physically attacking your what? Partner? Conversation partner?

R: Your interlocutor.

M: Your interlocutor was physically attacked by... Yep. And Rory said, stay detached and keep a cool head. Keep a cool head. Not cool like awesome. But a cool, like, cold, cool. Stay detached.

R: So if you stay detached, that just means that you're not attached to the outcome of the argument. It's not like, I must win this argument at all costs. Otherwise, all is lost.

M: Yeah, win at all costs. Yeah? So if you don't think you should win at all costs, you stay detached. So kind of like, not really involved in the whole thing. Like it's the most important thing in your life. And then if you don't win this argument, you die. Yeah? And you keep a cool head. So you are not emotional, you're rational. You don't scream and shout at the person. Right? So you kind of stay calm, and you keep a cool head. And also you articulate your point clearly. Articulate your point? You explain your point. Without shouts, without emotions, like, you know, in a cool way. And this could stop to prevent a fight, or this could stop things spiralling out of control. So if things spiral out of control what happens?

R: It just means you've lost control of the situation and it just develops into a mess.

M: And Rory is using the conditionals here. So if you stay detached, if a person keeps a cool head, if you focus on your breathing, yeah? So how to stay less emotional, you pretty much have to focus on your breathing. So if you focus on your breathing, and you remember that, you know, you don't have to win every argument at all costs. So you're just like, okay, I'm out of here. So that's a nice one. Then we can talk about disagreements among parents and children. So they usually argue about keeping a tidy room. So keep the room clean. Or some time for events for young people.

R: Yeah, like showing up to dinner on time.

M: You didn't show up for dinner on time. They have rows. Rows about something. To have arguments over something or to have rows. To have a row. It's not a row.

R: Not a row.

M: It's have rows about. So brothers and sisters usually have rows about sharing toys. And arguments could occur between other family members or between relatives. So arguments occur. Occur, they happen. For example, Rory gave us a very good example. Husbands and wives can differ over finances. So another synonym, yeah? Differ over something. Could you give us another sentence with differ over something?

R: Yes, you and I differ over whether Batman is a superhero. Because you are wrong.

M: You are, you know.

R: Right. Yes, I know.

M: Batman. So everybody can become a Batman, right? But we have only one Batman. Oh, for some reason, we have the only one Batman.

R: No, you don't have only one Batman. Like Robin became Batman. Or Nightwing became Batman after the other Batman retired.

M: Robin is a Robin. He's not a Batman. Robin is a Robin. You don't call him Batman-Robin.

R: No, you don't. But they gave him a promotion, I'm pretty sure and even if they didn't then Nightwing definitely did. And then there's been several Batman over the generations because of course Batman gets old because he's not a superhero. Surprise, surprise. And has to pass on to someone else as if being a vigilante is a job.

M: What???

R: Yes.

M: Does a Spider-man get older? What about a Superman?

R: But there've been multiple Spider-man as well. Peter Parker's not always been Spider-Man.

M: Okay, this is going nowhere.

R: You're right. And no, you're actually wrong about that too, because it is going somewhere, it's going in the wrong direction for you.

M: So you see, differ over finances or differ over Batman issues. Also, raise their children. Usually, husbands and wives differ over how to raise their children not grow up children. No. People grow up, but our parents raise us, right? Or like people raise children. And also, family members could have different views on certain points. Yeah? To have different views on life, for example, due to a generation gap.

R: But that's just like the divide between older and younger people and seeing the world differently.

M: How can we use a phrasal verb fall out? Because fall out means to argue, right?

R: It does. Yeah, but you can have a falling out.

M: Have a falling out.

R: It's just when you don't agree with people anymore.

M: So for example, usually, family members have falling out over certain things. Yeah?

R: Yeah. It just means they... Well, it's like a, it's like they stop being friends, but it's not a permanent thing. Or it's usually not a permanent thing.

M: And you can only fall out with somebody you know very well. Okay? So you can't fall out with a stranger. So that's why this phrasal verb is good to go with family members. Brothers and sisters usually fall out because of their toys, or because of presents, or family members have fallen out quite often. And then we can prevent an argument from happening, we can sort it out, or we can fix the problem. These are also nice verbs. So sort it out, sort out an argument. So find a solution or a resolution to a situation. And an interesting question about children and teachers at school. And some kids prefer to create more drama at school and just argue with teachers. Just for the sake of it. Just to have fun. Yeah? Instead of quality time at school, maybe out of boredom to make fun of the teacher for example. Parents model the behaviour for children, and then they avoid arguing with teachers, right? Or, Rory, you said that it's okay to argue with teachers if children work out a solution to something, yeah?

R: Yes. And if you work out a solution, oh, that's another phrasal verb, isn't it? But you, you agree on what to do.

M: But there could be some drama queens, yeah? You call them like drama queens, who prefer to create more drama. Stop being such a drama queen.

R: Yeah, stop being such a drama queen and admit that Batman isn't a superhero.

M: Sweet! Thank you very much for listening, dear listener! Let's keep it positive. Although the topic is arguments. Well, we've given you lots of synonyms and precise lexis. Alright. Think about your ideas, please. Batman's a superhero. If you want to support my opinion on Batman, please, write to us, on social media. Or better write to Rory's social media. Find him on Instagram. And just tell him, Rory, Batman is a superhero. Hello from Maria. Okay, dear listener? Yep.

R: But if you're on the right side of history, and you know that Batman is not actually a superhero then you can also write to me and say I support your point. Thank you very much.

M: We love and hug you. And it doesn't matter which side you are on. Rory's side or my side. Anyway, we all love Batman. Don't we?

R: No.

M: I also love Ironman.

R: Who is also not a superhero.

M: Catwoman is not a superhero? What do you mean?

R: No. What? You talked about Ironman.

M: Ironman is not a superhero? Did you see what's inside his freaking body?

R: Yeah, flesh and blood...

M: Okay, okay, we have to stop. Okay. Bye!

R: Bye!

M: Bye, Rory, bye!

R: Bye, Maria!

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