📘 Part 3: Arguments

This episode's vocabulary

To contradict (verb) - (of people) to say the opposite of what someone else has said, or (of one fact or statement) to be so different from another fact or statement that one of them must be wrong.

Consensus (noun) - a generally accepted opinion or decision among a group of people.

Defensive (adj.) - too quick to protect yourself from being criticized.

Debate (noun) - (a) serious discussion of a subject in which many people take part.

Resolution (noun) - the act of solving or ending a problem or difficulty.

Poke fun at someone (idiom) - to make someone seem stupid by making jokes about them or laughing unkindly.

Discretion is the better part of valour (phrase) - said when you believe it is wise to be careful and avoid unnecessary risks.

Detached (adj.) - a detached person does not show any emotional involvement or interest in a situation.

Cool (adj.) - calm and not worried or frightened; not influenced by strong feeling of any kind.

To articulate (verb) - to express in words.

To spiral (verb) - if a situation spirals, it quickly gets worse in a way that becomes more and more difficult to control.

Imbalance (noun) - a situation in which two things that should be equal or that are normally equal are not.

To differ (verb) - to disagree.

Falling-out (noun) - an argument.

To model (verb) - to make a model of something.

To be enshrined in sth - a political or social right is enshrined in something, it is protected by being included in it.

Treaty (noun) - a written agreement between two or more countries, formally approved and signed by their leaders.

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Questions and Answers

M: What do people usually do if they disagree with someone?

R: Well, ideally, they'll gently contradict them and try to reach some consensus about what the best idea or course of action is. Usually, that's the case in calm circumstances, at least, and people don't get too defensive.

M: And do you think that some people could get aggressive when they disagree with someone? So what happens?

R: Well, they could, but that's usually because they feel like there's some sort of threat to them or their identity, or maybe their culture. And so they get aggressive because they feel like that's what they need to do to in order to defend them.

M: Are arguments important?

R: Well, that will depend entirely on what you're having the debate about in the first place. I suppose if it's to compare and contrast ideas to find a solution or resolution to that situation, then it's a good idea. Similarly, if it's a good-natured one with a social purpose, like poking fun, then it's also good. But if it's just arguing for the sake of it, then that's not a very productive use of time, is it?

M: And do you think it's better to have an argument rather than not to have an argument at all, when people disagree with each other?

R: Well, what's the expression? Discretion is the better part of valour? Sometimes it's better not to have an argument, which is going to make the situation worse for you or the other person, or both of you. You don't need to win every argument.

M: How can people stop an argument from turning into a fight?

R: Well, it probably depends on the reasons behind it too. But generally, I think if you stay detached, and keep a cool head, while you're calmly articulating your point, then it's easy to stop things from spiralling out of control. If you do things like focus on your breathing, and like I said, remember, you don't have to win every argument, it usually helps too.

M: What disagreements do parents and children usually have?

R: Oh, all kinds. It's usually about the power imbalance that exists between them and parents wanting children to do something that they don't want to do. You know, for example, like tidying a room or being on time for events when young people just want to be outside playing.

M: What do brothers and sisters argue about?

R: Well, not having a sister growing up, it's hard for me to say with any certainty, however, I'd imagined that they have rows about, oh, I don't know, sharing toys, or deciding on how to use them. I mean, there was a study about how boys and girls played with different toys in different ways. So that would certainly make sense the way I see it.

M: What arguments occur between family members?

R: Oh, other than brothers and sisters? I suppose husbands and wives can differ over finances and how to raise their children. And in turn, the grandparents will probably have different views on life due to the generation gap. And there will be all the usual family drama that takes place for like around inappropriate behaviour and other falling-outs.

M: And do you think people should strive to resolve arguments within a family?

R: Well, either that or prevent them from happening in the first place? I mean, sometimes these things just sort themselves out. So in fact, trying to fix the problem actually makes it worse. So it all depends on the context.

M: Who do you think should teach children to respect the teacher and not to argue with the teacher?

R: Well, ideally, all the adults in the room should be teaching each other, or to be teaching children to respect their elders, and in turn should be showing respect to children as well. So everyone's responsible. Teachers do it by modelling the appropriate behaviour and setting high expectations and parents do it by doing the same thing I suppose.

M: And do you think it's okay to argue with a teacher at school?

R: In a context of working out a solution to a problem? Yes. But in the context of creating more drama or wasting time? No, it's not, because you're there to learn.

M: And do you think these days there are many children who prefer to argue with teachers at school?

R: Well, I mean, probably, I don't know how you would prove that because I don't think it's ever been measured, but probably yes, because young people have their rights enshrined in various laws and treaties. And this affords them the ability to have a more active discussion with their teachers. But that doesn't necessarily mean that they'll be arguing with them, like in the way that people have rows and debates and things. It's just a discussion.

M: Thank you, Rory, for your answers!

R: Hopefully, they were arguably good ones!

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