📘 Part 3: Childhood friends

This episode's vocabulary

Inevitable (adj.) - certain to happen and unable to be avoided or prevented.

It's not rocket science (idiom) - used to say that you do not think that something is very difficult to do or to understand.

Conversely (adverb) - in an opposite way.

To preserve (verb) - to keep something as it is, especially in order to prevent it from decaying or being damaged or destroyed.

Essential (adj.) - necessary or needed.

Ingenuity (noun) - someone's ability to think of smart new ways of doing something.

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Questions and Answers

M: Why do people lose contact with their friends after graduation or with their childhood friends?

R: Well, everything comes to an end at some point, doesn't it? You're no longer held together by the shared space and you have dreams and ambitions of your own to follow. It's just a sad but inevitable part of life.

M: And does it always happen?

R: Probably not always. But it does explain why it happens when it does.

M: Why is it hard to maintain friendship?

R: I'm not sure it is really. You just need to have shared interests and an equally shared interest in continuing to share them. It's not rocket science. However, some things can get in the way of things like differing plans, differing plans for your life and family changes. That can make it difficult to keep the interests shared.

M: What's more important, to keep old friendships or make new friends?

R: How on earth is anyone meant to know the answer to that? Like, I'd imagine if you were fleeing your country, then making new friends will probably be a priority. Conversely, if you were more interested in stability then preserving your friendships might be more important.

M: How does modern technology influence friendship?

R: It influences how it can be made and maintained, but not the essential aspect of the friendship, which is always a shared interest in each other and something you have together.

M: What positive and negative effects do mobile phones have on friendship?

R: Well, I suppose the number of possible distractions increases. So it makes having and holding real-life conversations more difficult, though any reasonable set of people should have the sense to avoid that when talking to people.

M: And do you think there are more positive or negative effects?

R: It depends on the context, because that will depend on the kind of people that you're talking to. If you're talking to really, really needy people, then you'll probably want to invest more time and staying in contact with them. But if you're talking to people who are like quite calm and, you know, well measured, then it's not such, there might be fewer problems with doing that.

M: Does technology unite or move people apart?

R: Well, neither, technology is the application of human ingenuity. It's like money in that way. It's just another way of getting what you want. If you want to use technology to connect to people, or do the opposite, then it's up to you. It doesn't control people's actions.

M: Do you think old friends are more important to the older generation or to the young generation?

R: Well, probably, if you're older than you've been alive longer, so your connections will be stronger and your friends will be more important to you. However, if you're younger, then you've only just started to make friends. And so your older friends will be your older friends because then you don't know anybody else. So it's difficult to say, I don't really understand what's meant by older friends.

M: Thank you, Rory, for your answers!

R: Thank you for the song!

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Discussion

M: Yeah, so childhood friends and friends in general. Interesting. Also, like making friends and technology. Right? So mobile phones and friendships. So what should we know here is that the verb is to make friends. Right? Be friends with. So people are friends with somebody else. Make new friends. What about friendship? What verbs do we use with friendship?

R: Well, you keep friendships alive. You become invested in friendships, you place a great deal of stock in friendship.

M: Ooh, what does this mean?

R: It just means that it's really important to you.

M: And do we say a friendship or friendship without any article?

R: It depends, if we talk about the concept in general then friendship, if we're talking about a particular friendship with similar person than a or the friendship.

M: So for example, friendship is important in our life. Yeah? Just in general.

R: Yeah. But the friendship I have with you is important to my life.

M: Is crucial to your life.

R: It is crucial.

M: Essential.

R: I thought you're gonna say in theory for a moment. In theory, it's crucial but who knows?

M: People can lose contact with their friends after great graduation. Graduation means graduate from university. Yeah? So we leave school and graduate from university. Also childhood friends, I think they mean friends before school, friends at school, maybe friends you had when you were really young, like two years old, three years old. Yeah, you could have friends, you know, when you are two years old. And Rory told us, everything comes to an end at some point. This is a quote. Yeah? And also with a tag question. Everything comes to an end at some point, doesn't it? Or which intonation did you use? Up or down? Rory, tell us.

R: Hmm, everything comes to an end, doesn't it?

M: Yeah, you see, doesn't it? So down, right? Because Rory is sure that everything comes to an end at some point.

R: Sorry to be so depressing. It does.

M: Friendship comes to an end at some point and people just move on. Again. It may happen, it may not happen, right? And then people are no longer held together by something. Right? So people are no longer held together by mutual dreams, like common dreams or ambitions or shared space. For example, you shared some flat at university with somebody but now you live in another flat, so you are no longer held together by something. And it's an inevitable part of life. Yes, Rory?

R: It's a sad but inevitable part of life. But you could use that to describe anything. Like taxes are a sad but inevitable part of life.

M: It might be difficult to maintain friendship. For example, how do we maintain friendship with Rory? I go to Rory's birthdays, he sends me presents, he sends me money to make sure I'm fine every month.

R: Do I?

M: Yes. Do you, do you? Do you, Rory? Yes. So this is how we maintain friendship. Like keep, keep it alive. Right? And you just need to have shared interests. So Rory and I, we have shared interests in this podcast, right? In sharing our love and English with the world, with you, dear listener. And you also said that it's not rocket science. Rory, don't you think, it's like a cliche and... Nobody uses it anymore. It's not rocket science.

R: Well, that's rude. I like rocket science. So...

M: So, you think it's fine? Do you friend...

R: Do your friends think it's fine?

M: Yeah, do your friends think it's...

R: That's such a, that's such a part three follow up question. Do your friends think it's fine to use this cliche? I really hope somewhere an examiner asks a candidate this question. Well, I just I sometimes I like to drop in some of the old cliches. What's your problem?

M: Yeah, so it's not rocket science. It's not difficult, right? It's not really hard to understand that to keep friendship going, to maintain friendship, you need to have shared interests. We have new friends. We have old friendships, right? So friendships, we can have many friendships. And then Rory asks a question here. Like, how on earth? Is anyone meant to know the answer to that?

R: Well, how is anyone supposed to know the answer to that? What a stupid question...

M: You should have Googled it before and prepared in advance.

R: Oh, yes. And I'm sure if I Googled what's more important, old friendships or new friendships, I would have been given one universally applicable answer.

M: Yeah, actually, you can react to the question, or you can say, Oh, that's a silly question. Or that's a difficult one. I don't know. I don't know how to choose between old friends and new ones, because both of them are equally essential. You see, so this is also an answer. And the second conditional here in full glory. If you were more interested in stability, so let's imagine, right? So if you were more interested in stability, preserving old friendships might be more important. Yeah. So this is a nice sentence. So we preserve, we keep old friendships. It might be more important. It could be more important. If you were more into stability. And then modern technology, mobile phones, positive negative effect. We can paraphrase it by saying it influences how it can be made. So friendships, how friendships can be made. So it has an influence on how we make friends. But it's not the essential aspect of friendship. Right? This technology. For example, now Rory is in Scotland, I'm in Moscow and technology helps us to maintain our friendship. Yeah, apart from the money Rory sends me every month.

R: I do not send you money. I don't understand where you're getting this from. Unless you're secretly siphoning off money, that I don't know about.

M: Yeah. From your accounts.

R: From my account. Yeah.

M: Yeah. To maintain myself. Right.

R: To keep you in the lifestyle to which you become accustomed.

M: So mobile phones. Rory, you talked about possible distractions, right? So what kind of distractions?

R: Like notifications on your phone every 10 seconds or checking your emails. Those are all distractions that could happen when you're talking or when you should be talking to people.

M: Yeah. And how can these distractions affect my friendship with people?

R: Because you're not paying attention to them.

M: Oh, so you pay attention to your mobile phone, and not to the person sitting in front of you. Yeah? So you can say when you hold real life conversations, your mobile phone could be distracting. Right? So hold real life conversations. Then Rory talked about needy people and well measured people. So Rory, what kind of people are needy? And what do you mean by well measured people?

R: Well, in previously, we talked about people who are high maintenance. So if you're high, if you're emotionally high maintenance, then you're needy, and you need lots and lots of attention, lots and lots of people talking to you. This kind of thing. If you're, well, I said well measured, probably what I should have said is like well rounded, or stable, basically, is what I mean, I meant the opposite of being needy. But if you're well measured, then it can mean that you're just more in control of your emotions.

M: And another nice sentence from Rory, technology is the application of human ingenuity.

R: Yeah.

M: Oo-la-la, what is it about?

R: Yes. But that's just like, humans' ability to use their brains to work out the solutions to problems. It's like a genius.

M: Yeah, but what is human ingenuity?

R: It's just our ability to create things that influence the world. Technology.

M: Can I say that it's our genius? Like human genius.

R: It's connected to that. Yeah.

M: And then you can say we use technology to connect to people and control people's actions.

R: Did I say that as well?

M: No, no, I'm just adding this.

R: Oh, okay, right, because that sounds really dystopian.

M: Thank you for listening! Let's stay friends forever. Bye!

R: Bye!

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