📘 Part 3: Children and their behaviour

This episode's vocabulary

Disrupt (verb) – to interrupt or disturb the normal course of something. → Children sometimes disrupt public spaces with tantrums.

Conducive (to) (adjective) – making something likely or possible. → Some behaviours aren't conducive to public order.

Temper tantrum (noun) – an uncontrolled outburst of anger, especially in a child. → Throwing a tantrum in a shop isn't very pleasant.

Uncontrolled noises (noun phrase) – loud sounds made without restraint or moderation. → Uncontrolled noises aren't great for public order.

Self-control (noun) – the ability to regulate one’s emotions and behaviours. → Children may misbehave due to lack of self-control.

Behavioural issue (noun phrase) – a psychological or emotional condition affecting behaviour. → Some children have behavioural or emotional issues.

Foetal alcohol syndrome (noun) – a condition caused by alcohol exposure during pregnancy. → It was mentioned as one possible cause of misbehaviour.

Corporal punishment (noun) – physical punishment, like spanking. → Some cultures use corporal punishment to discipline children.

Compliance (noun) – the act of obeying rules or standards. → Violence used to enforce compliance is now illegal in many places.

Insecurity (noun) – lack of confidence or assurance, often a root of bullying. → Bullying is often caused by insecurity.

Social hierarchy (noun phrase) – the ranking of individuals within a society or group. → Bullying can stem from threats to one's social position.

Pathological (adjective) – extreme in a way that is not normal or healthy. → Some people bully others due to pathological tendencies.

Terrorise (verb) – to cause extreme fear in others. → Some bullies enjoy terrorising their victims.

Trade-off (noun) – a balance achieved between two desirable but incompatible features. → Solutions to bullying may involve difficult trade-offs.

Dependency (noun) – relying too much on others. → Depending on adults too much can hinder independence.

Reinforcement (noun) – strengthening a behaviour through reward or consequence. → Positive reinforcement can help shape good behaviour.

Discipline (noun/verb) – training to obey rules or using punishment to correct behaviour. → Effective discipline doesn't always require punishment.

Boundaries (noun) – limits or rules that define acceptable behaviour. → Children need clear boundaries to feel secure.

Empathy (noun) – the ability to understand and share another person’s feelings. → Teaching empathy can reduce bullying.

De-escalate (verb) – to reduce the intensity of a conflict. → Teachers are trained to de-escalate confrontations between students.

Questions and Answers

Maria: What bad behaviour do children usually have?

Rory: Oh, there's quite a range, really, and a lot of what is considered good and bad depends on cultural conceptions about how to behave properly. Generally speaking, though, it's about actions that disrupt the normal way things should go, or at least they aren't conducive to that. For example, throwing a temper tantrum in a shop isn't very pleasant for the people around you who have to experience this. Uncontrolled noises aren't that great for public order, to be honest with you.

Maria: Why do children misbehave?

Rory: Well, there are as many reasons as there are potential bad behaviours, I'd imagine. It could be anything from just not having developed self-control to having some kind of behavioural or emotional issue like foetal alcohol syndrome. That's one end of the spectrum. On the other, they could just be having a very bad day and not dealing with it terribly well.

Maria: How should parents stop their children from behaving badly in public?

Rory: Well, at the risk of repeating the same idea here, there's a huge spectrum of what's considered acceptable for that. I mean, in some places, they just use corporal punishment and have no issue using physical force to enforce order, for lack of a better term. While in others, parents just don't react at all. With the reasoning that, by not reacting, the child doesn't get the attention they want and, hopefully, opts for something more constructive.

Maria: Whose influence on children is more important? Friends or parents?

Rory: Well, I think that's dependent on where you are in life, really. At the start, your parents and relatives will have greater influence just by virtue of the fact they are the ones you spend the most time with. As you get older and grow more independent and have more relationships, your peers will probably have a much greater role to play in how you act, since people generally move away from their families as they age, both physically and mentally.

Maria: Are parents these days stricter than in the past?

Rory: I'm not sure. So much of that depends on how we define notions of being strict and how we measure them. If it's about the use of violence to enforce compliance, then they're probably less strict in many countries, since this is illegal, or strictly controlled.

Maria: What are the reasons for bullying?

Rory: It could be down to anything, really. I remember being told it was related to insecurity, by and large. So, when your position in the social hierarchy is threatened, or perceived to be threatened, you tend to punch down to restore your certainty about where you are. So, if someone is feeling constantly like they're under threat, they might opt to bully others to restore their sense of control. And, of course, some people just have pathological disorders and enjoy terrorising other people.

Maria: And what are the solutions?

Rory: To bullying? To be honest, I'm not sure there are. There might be certain actions that are effectively trade-offs. For example, the solution could be to fight fire with fire and bully the bully right back. But then, one risks becoming a bully themselves, and that sends the message that it's okay to harass others in the cause of self-defence, or the perception of it. Adults could also intervene to help out. But then there's a risk of dependency on others to solve your problems, which could retard the development of your independence. So, I don't think there are essential solutions in this case. I think it's just about the most effective methods to address the situation in the context in which it occurs.

Discussion

Maria: Yay! Thank you, Rory, for your story. So, dear listener, you should lie or make something up. Like a friend you met by surprise. And usually, we can meet people by surprise. Where? Like...

Rory: Oh, anywhere…

Maria: In a restaurant? On the street? In a museum?

Rory: I think those are the big things, to be honest. I can't think of anything else.

Maria: I was walking down the street, and then I saw my friend. Wow! Surprise, surprise. Here, dear listener, it's very important for you to use synonyms. So, I bumped into my friend. Bump into somebody is a synonym to meet somebody by surprise. You bump into people. Like, oh, wow! Like, I was walking down the street, downtown, and then I saw Rory. Wow, Rory!

Rory: This has happened on numerous occasions.

Maria: So, I bumped into my old classmate or my old friend. Maybe you met your classmate. Okay? So, you went to school together. So, it was my classmate. Or from university, for example. From school, from university. And usually we use the past continuous. So, I was walking. I was sitting on a bench in a park when I bumped into my friend. And then more details to the story. I was with some other friends. Or I was alone. I was at a climbing centre. So, a climbing centre is where you climb. Like, mountain climbing. And Rory does climbing really well, actually.

Rory: I do not do climbing really well. My friends are much better than I am.

Maria: Yeah, but you have spectacular photos, Rory. With all your arms and stuff. And you are kind of like Spiderman. Like this, you do like this.

Rory: Maria has a very liberal interpretation of how good my climbing skills are. They are not that good. I just go casually. My friends are much more serious about it than I am.

Maria: And another synonym is: We ran into each other. So, I bumped into my friend. We ran into each other. Run into somebody is to meet somebody by surprise. So, I ran into her at a climbing test centre. Test centre, yes. Test centre. IELTS test centre. So, at a climbing centre. Or we ran into each other in a cafe when I was buying a latte. And the reason why we ran into each other was because my group of friends had changed our usual day. So, we had done something before and that's why we ran into each other. Nice. Past perfect. It was funny. It was fun. It was unexpected. You met a friend by surprise. I haven't seen you for years. How are you? So, it was funny. For Rory it was funny, but maybe... Talk about a pleasant meeting. Don't talk about something strange or unpleasant with people you don't like. Imagine that it was a nice meeting. The examiner doesn't want to hear your stories when you cried and when you were unhappy. It might be difficult for an examiner to hear this story. It's gotta be neutral. Or it could be a dramatic story. And then I saw my ex-boyfriend. But if you can do it. You have two minutes. But usually it's difficult. So, it was funny. It was a nice meeting. I didn't expect her to be there. We were at university together and I hadn't seen her for ages. So, I hadn't seen her before we met by surprise. And there she was.There he was, my friend. And we caught up on our life. So, to catch up on something. Pretty much talk about the events from our life. Just talk about our life. So, we caught up on our life. Gave each other the latest news or information. It was a nice chat. We chatted about our university life. About our school days. I don't know… It was just a short time we spent talking. Because I had to go. So, it was nice seeing her again. So, it was nice talking to her or him. It was nice meeting her again. It was nice finding out how she was getting on. So, to get on, pretty much you live your life. How are you getting on? So, it was nice to find out how she was getting on in life. And you can say that I haven't seen her since then. So, we haven't met after the meeting. So, I bumped into her and we haven't seen each other since then. We haven't talked to each other since then. Rory, do you have any other synonyms that we could use about meeting a friend by surprise?

Rory: I was really struggling here. Run into. Bumped into. Came across, maybe. But usually we come across things rather than people.

Maria: Yeah, we come across different things like information. But yeah, just two synonyms. And how you felt about the experience? I was surprised. I was shocked to meet her at such a strange place. Maybe you went to sauna and then you bumped into your friend in a sauna, in a swimming pool. Or you went travelling to Africa and then you met your friend there in the jungle, and then you say, Oh my God! Hello! What about feelings? When we are surprised, how do we usually feel?

Rory: Well, surprised? I think that's it, really. Surprised. Shocked, perhaps, to see someone unexpectedly.

Maria: Yeah, I was really shocked to see her. It was an unexpected meeting. I didn't expect to see her or him. To my surprise, I saw my classmate. Rory, what helped you organise this answer?

Rory: I mostly followed the prompt, to be honest with you. However, I did struggle towards the end to come up with things to say. So I just said: Now I think about it. I haven't seen her since then. I wonder what she's up to now. However, she must be living close by, and then just talking about her as the person as well. So just adding more detail about who that person is and perhaps trying to find an explanation for how we met each other. So that's a good thing to do. If you still have time and the examiner hasn't said stop, you could just go back to things in the prompt and give more information. And you can even say that. Just say, I forgot to tell you that… And then tell them what you forgot.

Maria: And this answer is in the past, right? So when you met a friend by surprise. So make sure you're using past continuous. I met her when I was doing something. And also you can use past perfect. So we ran into each other but we hadn't seen each other for a long time before. And at the end of the talk you can use the present perfect. And I haven't seen her ever since. Nice grammar. Thank you very much for listening. Love and hugs. And we'll get back to you in our next episode Speaking part 3 about meeting friends.

Rory: Bye!

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