📘 Part 3: Children and their behaviour

This episode's vocabulary

Disrupt (verb) – to interrupt or disturb the normal course of something. → Children sometimes disrupt public spaces with tantrums.

Conducive (to) (adjective) – making something likely or possible. → Some behaviours aren't conducive to public order.

Temper tantrum (noun) – an uncontrolled outburst of anger, especially in a child. → Throwing a tantrum in a shop isn't very pleasant.

Uncontrolled noises (noun phrase) – loud sounds made without restraint or moderation. → Uncontrolled noises aren't great for public order.

Self-control (noun) – the ability to regulate one’s emotions and behaviours. → Children may misbehave due to lack of self-control.

Behavioural issue (noun phrase) – a psychological or emotional condition affecting behaviour. → Some children have behavioural or emotional issues.

Foetal alcohol syndrome (noun) – a condition caused by alcohol exposure during pregnancy. → It was mentioned as one possible cause of misbehaviour.

Corporal punishment (noun) – physical punishment, like spanking. → Some cultures use corporal punishment to discipline children.

Compliance (noun) – the act of obeying rules or standards. → Violence used to enforce compliance is now illegal in many places.

Insecurity (noun) – lack of confidence or assurance, often a root of bullying. → Bullying is often caused by insecurity.

Social hierarchy (noun phrase) – the ranking of individuals within a society or group. → Bullying can stem from threats to one's social position.

Pathological (adjective) – extreme in a way that is not normal or healthy. → Some people bully others due to pathological tendencies.

Terrorise (verb) – to cause extreme fear in others. → Some bullies enjoy terrorising their victims.

Trade-off (noun) – a balance achieved between two desirable but incompatible features. → Solutions to bullying may involve difficult trade-offs.

Dependency (noun) – relying too much on others. → Depending on adults too much can hinder independence.

Reinforcement (noun) – strengthening a behaviour through reward or consequence. → Positive reinforcement can help shape good behaviour.

Discipline (noun/verb) – training to obey rules or using punishment to correct behaviour. → Effective discipline doesn't always require punishment.

Boundaries (noun) – limits or rules that define acceptable behaviour. → Children need clear boundaries to feel secure.

Empathy (noun) – the ability to understand and share another person’s feelings. → Teaching empathy can reduce bullying.

De-escalate (verb) – to reduce the intensity of a conflict. → Teachers are trained to de-escalate confrontations between students.

Questions and Answers

Maria: What bad behaviour do children usually have?

Rory: Oh, there's quite a range, really, and a lot of what is considered good and bad depends on cultural conceptions about how to behave properly. Generally speaking, though, it's about actions that disrupt the normal way things should go, or at least they aren't conducive to that. For example, throwing a temper tantrum in a shop isn't very pleasant for the people around you who have to experience this. Uncontrolled noises aren't that great for public order, to be honest with you.

Maria: Why do children misbehave?

Rory: Well, there are as many reasons as there are potential bad behaviours, I'd imagine. It could be anything from just not having developed self-control to having some kind of behavioural or emotional issue like foetal alcohol syndrome. That's one end of the spectrum. On the other, they could just be having a very bad day and not dealing with it terribly well.

Maria: How should parents stop their children from behaving badly in public?

Rory: Well, at the risk of repeating the same idea here, there's a huge spectrum of what's considered acceptable for that. I mean, in some places, they just use corporal punishment and have no issue using physical force to enforce order, for lack of a better term. While in others, parents just don't react at all. With the reasoning that, by not reacting, the child doesn't get the attention they want and, hopefully, opts for something more constructive.

Maria: Whose influence on children is more important? Friends or parents?

Rory: Well, I think that's dependent on where you are in life, really. At the start, your parents and relatives will have greater influence just by virtue of the fact they are the ones you spend the most time with. As you get older and grow more independent and have more relationships, your peers will probably have a much greater role to play in how you act, since people generally move away from their families as they age, both physically and mentally.

Maria: Are parents these days stricter than in the past?

Rory: I'm not sure. So much of that depends on how we define notions of being strict and how we measure them. If it's about the use of violence to enforce compliance, then they're probably less strict in many countries, since this is illegal, or strictly controlled.

Maria: What are the reasons for bullying?

Rory: It could be down to anything, really. I remember being told it was related to insecurity, by and large. So, when your position in the social hierarchy is threatened, or perceived to be threatened, you tend to punch down to restore your certainty about where you are. So, if someone is feeling constantly like they're under threat, they might opt to bully others to restore their sense of control. And, of course, some people just have pathological disorders and enjoy terrorising other people.

Maria: And what are the solutions?

Rory: To bullying? To be honest, I'm not sure there are. There might be certain actions that are effectively trade-offs. For example, the solution could be to fight fire with fire and bully the bully right back. But then, one risks becoming a bully themselves, and that sends the message that it's okay to harass others in the cause of self-defence, or the perception of it. Adults could also intervene to help out. But then there's a risk of dependency on others to solve your problems, which could retard the development of your independence. So, I don't think there are essential solutions in this case. I think it's just about the most effective methods to address the situation in the context in which it occurs.