📘 Part 3: Families

This episode's vocabulary

Comprise (verb) - to have things or people as parts or members; to consist of.

Patriarch (noun) - the male leader of a family.

Egalitarian (adj.) - believing that all people are equally important and should have the same rights and opportunities in life.

The purse strings - the spending of money by a family, company, or country.

Matriarchal (adj.) - ruled or controlled by women or females.

Relegate (verb) - to put someone or something into a lower or less important rank or position.

Well-rounded (adj.) - involving or having experience in a wide range of ideas or activities.

Tangible (adj.) - real and not imaginary; able to be shown, touched, or experienced.

Atomized (adj.) - consisting of separate parts that do not have much contact with each other.

Sway (noun) - control or influence.

Act out (phrasal verb) - to behave badly because you are unhappy or upset , often in ways that you are not aware of.

Delinquency (noun) - behaviour, especially of a young person, that is is illegal or not acceptable to most people.

Counteract (verb) - to reduce or remove the effect of something unwanted by producing an opposite effect.

Caveat (noun) - a warning to consider something before taking any more action, or a statement that limits a more general statement.

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Questions and Answers

M: So, Rory, let's talk about families. In your country, what kinds of family members leave together?

R: Well, the typical clos and nuclear family in Western terms, I suppose. So both parents and children and any pets, if they have any. There's also an increasing number of single parent families that are usually comprised by the mother and children.

M: Who's usually the head of the family in your culture?

R: Oh, at least on the surface, it used to be the father and only the father is the patriarch. But I think it's more egalitarian these days in terms of representation. I mean, certainly my parents make joint decisions. When you look closer, though, at least in history, it's a bit more complicated. Women make something like 80 percent of household purchasing decisions, so they hold the purse strings in many cases. So it's always... It seems simple, but it turns out to be a lot more complicated on further analysis.

M: Is a grandmother important in the family in your culture?

R: Well, I think that used to be for everybody. And they still are for children or the grandchildren. But increasingly, they seem to play less of a matriarchal role and they get relegated to the status of any other relative. Some of them even get sent to nursing homes and forgotten about entirely, which is a bit troubling for my culture at least.

M: What's the most important quality of a good parent?

R: Well, I've thought about this a great deal when I think about having my own children. And I suppose patience is the important one for at least for my culture. Um, there's so much pressure to be a certain way and act accordingly. And children make so many mistakes. Though as a parent, your role is to be kind of patient guide. And ideally, life will have given you enough experience to tell them what they need to know. But patience is something that you always work on to stay calm as children go through life.

M: What makes a good parent?

R: Well, aside from the patience, probably self-discipline, good organization and flexibility in roughly equal measure, you have to be a reasonable role model and provide for your children and respond to changes effectively enough. But you shouldn't do everything for them. That's where the space to grow is.

M: Let's talk about grandparents. How can grandparents help to bring up children?

R: Well, grandparents are rather good at passing on stories and ideas from their generation that parents might forget or filter out. So that gives your child the more well-rounded view of the world.

M: What can a child learn from grandparents?

R: Well, I learned how to cook some things in a limited way. Other people learn some traditions and stories about how things were in the past. So similar things to this. But there are less tangible things like family loyalty, various aspects of cultures that can be learned too.

M: What kinds of things can young people learn from old people?

R: Well, in addition to what I already mentioned, there are some sort of timeless values that can only be touched on in schools, but reinforced and expanded on by older people like respect for the local area, for example.

M: Do you agree that grandparents had more influence on family decisions in the past than they do today?

R: Well, I imagine that depends on the country and the culture. I mean, for example, in the West, I would say the influence is weakened significantly as a society becomes increasingly atomized. In Russia, it seems like older people hold a lot more sway, though, in more built up areas that's less so.

M: Let's talk about media and changing work patterns. How can the media affect family relationships today?

R: I think it could expand the range of options in people's minds. Like time mores you would only see sort of heterosexual nuclear families on TV or hear about them on the radio. But no people are exposed to same sex couples and single parent families, and that can give people examples of how they would like to live their lives, as well as sort of raising awareness about the fact these people exist and how their lives work.

M: What's the impact of changing work patterns on the family?

R: Well, in the past, one parent worked, but now both work. So there's less sort of parent child contact time as a result. And that can lead to sort of partial disconnect between the generations and that results in things like acting out and delinquency. On the other hand, two parents means greater financial strength and stability so they can at least attempt to counteract any negative influences or consequences further down the line. That's a heck of a trade off, though.

M: Do you agree that the state should provide support for the family unit?

R: Well, yes, with a few caveats. I mean, there should be some limitations on the nature of the support and how it's used. It's something like money then it should only be spent on, well, the children's needs in this case. Maybe, I think monitoring this would be difficult, but it's more efficient than sort of government manufactured goods for children, and those tend to be of a lower quality.

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Discussion

M: Rory, thank you so much for your answers. Thank you, brother. You're like a brother to me. No, Brendan is my brother. He's my second brother.

R: Thanks. That makes me feel so special.

M: But you're my...

R: Sister.

M: Right, so families. When we talk about families, we talk about close families and also nuclear families. So a nuclear family consists of parents and children, right? No other relatives.

R: Mostly.

M: And a close family?

R: Are the people that you're close to. Actually, to be honest, people treat them as if they mean the same thing. But close family could include, well, aunts and uncles that you have a particularly close relationship with, for example.

M: Yeah, we can also talk about single parent families like one parent and a child. Right. Single parent families. And also, when the examiner asks you about some family changes, you can talk about heterosexual nuclear families or same sex couples, single parent families. So this ones. OK. Egalitarian.

R: Yeah, that just means treating people equally, though. It sounds complicated, but it's really not.

M: Yeah, it's more egalitarian. So everybody is on the same, you know, level.

R: Yeah.

M:And father, the father used to be as patriarch.

R: Yes. So patriarch is like a man that makes the decisions.

M: But now it's more egalitarian, really specific words about families. Women usually make all household purchasing decisions.

R: Well, not all. 80 percent.

M: Most.

R: Well, no, I remember hearing about this. There was something like, women make 80 percent of household purchasing decisions, but the 20 percent made by men are usually like really significant ones, like buying cars, for example, whereas smaller ones is like shopping, for example, or appliances for a kitchen.

M: Yeah. So household meaning, like family purchasing decisions, like decisions on what to buy. And we can also use a nice word bread winner here.

R: Yes, did say that?

M: No.

R: But you should have.

M: No, no, no. But it's a nice word to use, right? But for example, how do I use it? Like the father is usually a breadwinner, the breadwinner?

R: Well, now there are two breadwinners.

M: So the breadwinner is a person who wins the bread, basically, who brings all the money to the family?

R: They bring in the dough. Behold my vocabulary.

M: So, and nowadays, like, the wife can be the breadwinner.

R: No, they usually are.

M: Usually? Where in Scotland?

R: Freedom. Well, anyway, so if in the family, the wife brings the money home, so she's the breadwinner.

M: She's bringing home the bacon.

M: Yeah. Oh, yeah. Brings home the bacon. And grandmothers used to play matriarchal role.

R: Matriarchal role. Jesus.

M: Wow. Yeah. So like the father used to be as a patriarch and now they seem to play less of a matriarchal. How do you say that again?

R: Matriarchal. Patriarch is the man who's in charge. Matriarch is the woman who's in charge.

M: Yeah, matriarch. Less of a matriarchal role. Wow. Again, really specific words. Wo. Yeah, so they play less of a matriarchal role and are put into nursing homes for old people, right. A nursing home.

R: Yes.

M: And Rory finds it's quite troubling.

R: Yes. So you find something troubling. It means that you have a problem with it.

M: Don't trouble trouble until trouble troubles you. Not funny? OK, moving on.

R: Not too cool.

M: We say that we provide for our children and provide for your child, meaning pay for everything your child does or doesn't do.

R: Well, you provide for your children. You give them the things they need to live. I don't think that means that you give them everything they want.

M: So you provide the basics. Food, shelter.

R: Iphone.

M: Video games, PlayStation. Yeah.

R: Unless your Vanya. It's only Iphone, not Samsung. Iphone give us free advertising money.

M: Grandparents are good at passing on stories.

R: Grandparents pass on stories, which means they give the stories to the next generation.

M: And you become a more well rounded person or you have a more well-rounded view of the world, meaning that you know different things from different fields of life, right?

R: Yes.

M: Yep. And also, they can give you some less tangible things like family loyalty, culture, you see. So a very nice thing to say, like less tangible. Tangible is something that you can't touch.

R; Yes.

M: Yeah. Because you can't touch values. You can't touch loyalty. Right. Yeah. So if you're loyal to our podcast. Right. If you listen only to us. So you are loyal. Values can be touched on in schools.

R: Yes. So if you touch on something, it means that you talk about it but only briefly, and then you move on to the next step.

M: And grandparents can pass on timeless values, timeless, no time.

R: Things that last forever.

M: Yeah. Like love. Yes. Do you love me? Tell me you love me.

R: I love you. Let's move on.

M: Atomized, what's atomized?

R: Atomized just means that the bonds between people are breaking down so they're becoming more individualistic as time goes by.

M: Oh, like atoms?

R: Yeah. It's not a positive thing.

M: Hmm. So our society is becoming increasingly atomized.

R: Well, in the West, not in Russia. Well, there is some atomization, but it's not as advanced as it is in the West. There's more individualism in the West.

M: And then when you talk about how work patterns change. So work patterns, meaning like who's working in the family, right. So who is the breadwinner? Like both parents work or one parent is working. So if both parents are working, slaving away night and day so their children can be acting out.

R: Yes, acting out meaning to misbehave. It's a great phrasal verb. And if you like phrasal verbs, then you should definitely think about picking up our Podcourse on phrasal verbs. Look at me. I'm doing the advertising.

M: Yeah, well done, Rory.

R: You will make a marketing genius out of me yet.

M: Delinquency is another good word.

R: Yeah, that means behaving badly too.

M: Yeah. So we say child's delinquency?

R: No, it's a juvenile delinquency.

M: Juvenile delinquency. Right. And this is only about kids and teenagers.

R: Although delinquency, I think there's loan delinquency where you fail to meet the obligations of your loan. But delinquency is usually used to refer to children behaving badly.

M: And then the examiner asks you, like, do you agree that the state, the government should support the family unit. The family unit, like families. And you go like, yeah, but with a few caveats.

R: Yeah. So caveats is just some rules that you add on to things. You don't just say, yeah, it should happen like 100 percent. You say like yes, but. So instead of saying yes but you say yes but with a few caveats.

M: Yeah. But with a few what, exceptions?

R: It can mean exceptions or it can mean rules that are attached.

M: And then you say like what the caveats are. Right. Could you give us another example with the with caveat. It sounds like caviar.

R: Well, you'll need to make a statement. You'll need to ask me a question about something.

M: Okay. Um. Should you post all your photos on social media?

R: Yes, mainly, but with a few caveats, like they should be appropriate for the age group that you're catering to and you should probably space them out over a period of time. And maybe if you want to post the less appropriate ones, then they should be posted on different social media to the ones that you're using for some of the other ones, the more mainstream ones. There you go. There's a caveat.

M: Yeah. Excellent. Yeah, well done, Rory. Band nine. Go home. Yeah. So, dear listener, you can listen to our speaking part one episode about Relatives* to steal some words from there. And now you're all equipped to talk about families. Yeah.

R: Bye!

M: Bye-bye!

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