📘 Part 3: Feelings

This episode's vocabulary

Augment (verb) - to increase the size or value of something by adding something to it.

Medium (noun) - a method of communication or entertainment, for example television, radio, or the internet.

Intensity (noun) - the quality of being felt strongly or having a very strong effect.

Emotional intensity - a specific “level” (intensity) of emotion that is being felt.

Feminine (adj.) - having characteristics that are traditionally thought to be typical of or suitable for a woman.

Masculine (adj.) - having characteristics that are traditionally thought to be typical of or suitable for men.

Collaborate (verb) - to work with someone else for a special purpose.

Constructive (adj.) - if advice, criticism, or actions are constructive, they are useful and intended to help or improve something.

Caveat (noun) - a warning to consider something before taking any more action, or a statement that limits a more general statement.

Innately (adj.) - an innate quality or ability is one that you were born with, not one you have learned.

Empathic (adj.) - having the ability to imagine how someone else feels.

Focal (adj.) - central and important.

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Questions and Answers

M: In what different ways do people show feelings?

R: I think it would be easier to list the ways they don't, to be honest. There's so many ways. Body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, hand gestures. To be honest, we're even augmenting our ability to express ourselves in the online medium with like emojis and memes. It's rather extraordinary.

M: Do children show their feelings more than adults?

R: I guess if we understand being an adult as operating in a stage of life where you have emotional control, then I would say so, yes. Children have less at control and a less developed understanding of what is and isn't appropriate. So it's logical they show this more readily than adults.

M: Do men and the women show their feelings in different ways?

R: Well, the options for emotional expression in men and women are the same, so if they want to use similar mechanisms, then they can. But generally, women show their feelings more readily and more strongly, whereas men don't so often, unless it's a period of emotional intensity like weddings or funerals, for example. I don't think one is better than the other since the more feminine mood helps sustain social connections, while the more masculine one protects them, they collaborate. And that's the actual history of the two sexes.

M: What's the difference between males and females in terms of expressing their feelings?

R: Well, probably in terms of the level of openness and welcomeness, if such a concept can be expressed in that way. It's different. So women are more open in terms of expressing emotions, and that's welcome. And for men, it's less so. And there are reasons for this connected to how socialization occurs and in terms of evolutionary biology. But if I summarize the difference, then that is what it is as I see it.

M: Let's talk about expressing emotions openly. How can people benefit from expressing their emotions openly?

R: Well, it clears the air sometimes, doesn't it? If you can calmly say something that is making you upset or angry, you open the door to address that situation. And that's constructive. And it can improve relationships at home and work. This is if it's done sensitively. Obviously, if people are just expressing themselves without this caveat of being calm, then it could ruin everything too.

M: Are there any disadvantages of expressing emotions openly?

R: I suppose the most obvious objection is people valuing privacy or feeling sort of innately uncomfortable with open emotional expression, maybe another disadvantage would be that it could be seen as a waste of time. I'm not sure how true that second point might be, though. If it's being handled well,

M: Do people express their emotions more openly now than in the past?

R: It certainly seems like it, since the avenues for this are more numerous. I'm not sure if you could objectively measure it though, but people often express the idea that people are more emotionally expressive these days. And I think there is something to that.

M: Let's talk about emotions and decision making. Why do employers hire staff who are more sensitive to people's emotions?

R: Well, that's just logical from a customer service perspective. If you have people who are more empathic than they are more likely to care for and seek to find optimal solutions to people's problems. They could also build a bonds with customers and that keeps them coming back and generates more money. People generally really appreciate good service.

M: Do you agree that people base most of their decisions on emotion, not logic?

R: Oh, 100 percent. Most people are guided by their emotions and then justify their decisions with logic after the fact. That's why it's so difficult to get things done in a logical way, because that's not how most people operate.

M: Is emotional maturity more important than intelligence for leaders?

R: Definitely, like leaders have advisors and various sources of information to make intelligent decisions with. So that's taken care of. But as the face of and the focal point of any effort that's being made, they have to be able to handle their emotions and those of other people quite well. That's why you don't see politicians shouting at each other publicly or even privately, to be honest.

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Discussion

M: Right. So, expressing feelings openly. This could be a really difficult topic. Right. So if you do lack ideas on this topic, you can steal Rory's ideas and his stealing is good stealing.

R: I wouldn't express a lot of my ideas openly, though.

M: So when we talk about how people show the feelings, so we mentioned body language, facial expressions, we use the face, our face to show feelings, possibly. Tone of voice, Rory you said. And hand gestures.

R: Yes. None of which I am using right now. Sorry.

M: No, you're using your facial expressions.

R: Am I?

M: Yes. Yeah, exactly this. So, Rory is notoriously famous for raising his beautiful eyebrows.

R: Well, I raise one eyebrow in particular.

M: Nice. Yeah, when we talk to people online, we use emojis, emoticons, right?

R: I think emoticons is what boomers say, isn't it? Emojis is like for millennials.

M: Emojis for millennials.

R: And we are millennials.

M: So there are different options for emotional expression.

R: Yes.

M: Yeah, so we express emotions, emotional expression. So women tend to show their feelings more readily and strongly than men.

R: In general, yeah.

M: And there are periods of emotional intensity.

R: Yes. So that's just another way of saying there are times in your life where strong emotions will be pretty well strong for lack of a better term. So when people have died or when people get married, this is a time when people are very emotional, regardless of their gender, men and women express their emotions rather strongly.

M: Yeah, when you compare men and women, you can use two sexes, genders. Feminine and masculine as adjective. For example, more feminine mode of expressing your emotions, more masculine.

R: And that's just another way of saying way. More feminine mode, more feminine way.

M: Again, dear listener, if you're from a culture where people don't show their emotions, you can just say so. Right? OK, I'm not sure I can talk about this topic because in my culture, blah, blah, blah, and just like talk about people in your culture not showing the emotions openly, just bottling everything up.

R: But you could say I have heard or I imagine in other cultures.

M: Yeah. Yeah. I imagine that in other culture people or like women show their feelings more readily. Expressing our emotions openly could be quite constructive.

R: It could be. Constructive is just a way of saying that you use it to improve.

M: Yeah. In a constructive way.

R: To construct things, to make them better, to build them.

M: Yeah, you improve. Don't destroy, damage, but improve. But this should be done sensitively. So people should show their emotions openly in a sensitive way.

R: Well, yes, and that just means having an awareness for other people's sensitivity to their emotions.

M: Caveat, like sounds like caviar.

R: Caveat. Caveat is like a rule So it's like saying as long as you're doing this, it's OK. So, for example, as long as you're being calm while you express how you feel, then it's OK. But if you just say, if you start screaming at people and telling them how angry you are, then that is not going to be constructive. And that's true, I think. If you just say, like, listen, this is making me quite angry because X, Y and Z and if you don't stop, then it will ruin the productivity. So please stop. Easy.

M: Yeah, easy-peasy. Super-duper, done.

R; That is how we deal with emotions.

M: Done and dusted. Yep. Yep. Some people may feel innately uncomfortable with open emotional expression. That's a very good one.

R: So innately just means it's like part of who they are naturally. And you have this, like your personality is naturally part of who you are. And people have different internal settings for how ready they are to accept other people's emotions.

M: Yeah, we can have innate talents.

R: Exactly.

M: So I feel innately uncomfortable with doing certain things and some people are more emotionally expressive. Again, you see, you are talking about the same subject, but you are using different synonyms. Like emotional expression, emotionally expressive. Expressive is an adjective.

R: And if you want to talk about strongly, you could say emotionally explosive.

M: Explosive. Oh.

R: But none of this. I haven't felt anything since 1995.

M: Yes. Rory is really emotional. Expressive.

R: Rory is not pron to feeling emotions of any type.

M: Empathic.

R: That just means you're able to perceive people... Well, if you're an empathic person, it just means you're able to perceive other people's emotions well. You're able to understand them.

M: Yeah, another word is sympathetic. So people who are sympathetic... Oh, not the same thing.

R: Well, not quite. Empathy is understanding people's feelings. Sympathy is understanding people's feelings and also sharing those feelings.

M: Mm hmm. Yeah, empathic. And those who are empathic build up bonds with customers.

R: Yeah, and that just to have connections or relationships with customers.

M: Right. So build up bonds, bonds, connections build up. Well, you build, you know, you create. But that's a nice phrasal verb build up connections. Build up bonds. Beautiful. Most people are guided by emotions, passive voice. Yeah, people are animals, we are guided by our instincts and emotions, right?

R: Mostly.

M: I wonder if unicorns are guided by their emotions or they're guided by the pink colors and fluffiness. What do you think? What do you reckon? He couldn't care less.

R: I think I'm trying to find another piece of vocabulary to talk about. However, it seems that have reached the end of logic and the end of the line. So with this in mind... Hopefully we have helped you, we have empowered you to make decisions about which vocabulary that you should use in your exam.

M: Yes. And now you should be able to handle your emotions. And you now know how to express your feelings openly using facial expressions, your eyebrows.

R: Your tone of voice, you hand gestures. For a high score.

M: Band nine score.

R: Scotland Freedom. What a coincidence. Bye!

M: Bye!

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