📘 Part 3: Giving advice

This episode's vocabulary

To draw on something (phrasal verb) - to use information or your knowledge of something to help you do something.

Guidance (noun) - help and advice about how to do something or about how to deal with problems connected with your work, education, or personal relationships.

Competence (noun) - the ability to do something well.

Ought to (modal verb) - used to show when it is necessary or would be a good thing to perform the activity referred to by the following verb.

Obnoxious (adj.) - very unpleasant or rude.

To phrase (verb) - to express something with a particular choice of words.

Unsolicited (adj.) - not asked for.

Unwarranted (adj.) - not having a good reason and therefore annoying or unfair.

To put someone off (something/someone) (phrasal verb) - to make someone dislike something or someone, or to discourage someone from doing something.

To heed (verb) - to pay attention to something, especially advice or a warning.

To vest sb with sth (phrasal verb) - if someone is vested with power, the right, etc. to do something, they are officially able or allowed to do it.

Perceive (verb) - to come to an opinion about something, or have a belief about something.

To meddle (verb) - to try to change or have an influence on things that are not your responsibility, especially by criticizing in a damaging or annoying way.

Busybody (noun) - a person who is too interested in things that do not involve them.

Genuine (adj.) - if people or emotions are genuine, they are honest and sincere.

Questions and Answers

M: Do you think parents should give their children advice?

R: I feel like that's literally their whole job, isn't it? I mean, parents have a wealth of knowledge and life experience to draw on and one of the main parts of having a child is helping them to grow up. And you don't really grow up without some guidance from parents, do you?

M: What are the areas in which people are more likely to accept advice?

R: Well, I mean, that's a very personal thing. Generally, they'll take advice in areas which they aren't protective over. But that varies from person to person. For example, an experienced parent might be less likely to take advice over what they should maybe do, compared to one without that, because they have more competence.

M: What advice do parents usually give to children?

R: I think they'll tell them how they ought to behave in very general areas, like talking to others politely, making friends, how to make friends. And the customers of their culture. So in the West, this looks like not being too loud, being willing to help out and not being overly selfish.

M: Why do many young people refuse the advice of older people?

R: Well, I don't think older people realize how obnoxious they can be when they start off by saying, well, if I were you, I would do this And that. Because the clue is kind of in how they phrase it. They aren't the person they're advising and have no idea of the struggles they face. Or no idea about the struggles they face. So if it's unsolicited or unwarranted advice delivered in this way then it's little wonder young people get put off by it.

M: Why is it easier for some people to accept advice?

R: Well, all kinds of reasons. But broadly speaking, there are people who were raised to be open-minded and active listeners, so they're probably going to be better equipped to heed whatever they're being told. Alternatively, other people might be more independently minded. So they definitely won't be taking advice from others quite as easily.

M: What kind of person is most suitable for giving advice to others?

R: I mean, the broad answer is whoever is considered the most culturally appropriate. So for example, elderly people are vested with a lot of influence because of their perceived additional life experience, which makes them wiser, allegedly. However, in other cultures, it's those with money because they have, again, perceived power from their wealth.

M: And what problems can people face if they ask many different people for advice?

R: Well, if you have a plurality of opinions, and they're all very wildly, then it can be difficult to narrow down what the best advice to follow is. So there's at least a time delay. That's a big problem. Especially if you have to make a decision quickly.

M: How important is it for friends to give each other advice?

R: I think that's a must really. You wouldn't want to be friends with someone who kept messing things up, would you? So you come to expect this help if they are true friends. Of course, you have to be careful not to come across as a meddling busybody. But that's not usually associated with genuine intentions of helping or helpful people.

M: Should teachers give students advice?

R: Well, that's what they're employed to do. Think of a teacher as a guide for how things could and should perhaps be done. Then it makes sense that they help out in this way. Of course, it's not only the teachers that play this role in society. It's not the only role that teachers play, but it is one of the main ones I would say.

M: Yay! Thank you, Rory! This is the end of the test.

R: Thank you!

Discussion

M: Yes. And, dear listener, the examiner usually tells you, thank you, this is the end of the test. And then you just leave the room. And after you've left, the examiner gives you the scores right away. So the examiner has some, I don't know, some paper and they write down four scores for four criteria. Yes. So it happens right away. After you leave. Advice. Do you remember that we don't say "advices", okay? No, no, no, no, no, dear listener, I know you're tempted, I know you want to do it, but don't, don't do it. Advice is, it is good. He gave me a lot of advice, a lot of "advices", no, no. His advice was good. It's very strange. But, dear listener, you do need it for speaking parts two and three about advice. Okay? And if you say like his advice was, was good. You can correct yourself, okay? So careful, pieces of advice, a lot of advice, advice, advice, advice. Rory, maybe... What can we do to help our listeners remember that advice is advice, never "advices"?

R: Well, there's always lots of advice, whether you want it or not. So it's like sugar, or coffee or something like that. That's uncountable. So just imagine someone is putting their hand into the advice, not all of it, but they're taking some of it, and they're trying to give some of it to you. So you cannot count all of these parts of advice, because it's just a mass.

M: Yes, like sugar, sugar advice. We don't say "sugars". Sugar, it, sugar is, Sugar was. And the same for advice. Parents have a wealth of knowledge and life experience. A wealth of something.

R: Yes. A wealth of anything. A wealth of an uncountable noun normally will be just another way of saying a lot of. A wealth of knowledge, a wealth of information on the internet. So all of this is just to say they have a lot a bit.

M: Like I have a wealth of life experience to draw on, to talk about, to base my advice on. So if you draw on something, what do you do?

R: You... Well, you use it, or you start to use it at the very least. So if you draw on something, you can draw on life experience or knowledge. Or you can draw on your money resources as well, or any other kind of resource, which means you use it for a purpose, to help yourself.

M: Yeah, you can draw on your savings. So the money that you've saved, for example, or you can say that older people have a wealth of knowledge to draw on.

R: Allegedly. Some older people are stupid.

M: True. We can also use the word guidance. So children get guidance from parents. So guidance like, well, they, parents guide their children. We can accept advice or refuse advice. Or we can follow advice. What else can we do with advice?

R: So accept advice, follow advice, listen to advice. Take advice.

M: Yes. And you said that people will take advice in areas which... So they can take advice where they don't know things. In areas which they aren't protective over. So protective over, why is it over?

R: If you think of your protection like a shield, you put it over something to protect it. It's like you're preventing something from coming in from the top to destroy it.

M: Could you give us another example?

R: Well, a lot of people are protective over their children, for example. Or protective of their children. People are protective of their property. All kinds of things.

M: And, dear listener, if you want to say that it depends on a person, you can say it varies from person to person. Varies? It is different. No article from person to person. And then you can give an example. For example, experienced parents might be less likely to take advice. So will probably not take advice. So will be less likely to, and will probably not. Right? Like, won't probably do it. And then compared to somebody else, compared to a younger parent, who doesn't know stuff, so they want to take this advice. A good synonym for should - it ought to. So parents ought to give children advice.

R: It's funny though about the pronunciation because when you say it quickly it's like ought to. So it's not ought to, it's just ought to. It comes together.

M: Yeah. Ought to. And parents usually give the children advice about how to talk to others politely, and how to make friends. We make friends. And maybe the customs of their culture, like the traditions and customs of their culture. Friends give each other advice. Okay? Usually. And maybe there is a friend who keeps messing things up.

R: That means that's someone that keeps, well, ruining things or making them difficult.

M: And like true friends usually help out. And Rory told us that it's a must. So it's a must for friends to give each other advice. They really should do it.

R: Well, that's what a friend is for. Advice and support.

M: What is a meddling busy buddy?

R: Oh, that's just somebody who interferes a lot. They feel like it's their right to do this. It's the thing that they should be doing is always interfering in other people's business. Without being asked.

M: Without being asked, yeah. So have you ever had a friend, like you don't ask them but they tell you how you should live your life? Okay? So we call this person a meddling busybody. Right?

R: It's not cool to be a middling busybody.

M: And meddling is the act of trying to change or have an influence on things, which are not your responsibility. So it's not really good. Could you give us another example with meddling?

R: Parents could often be accused of meddling in their children's lives. Whether that's right or wrong is up to you because some parents rightly intervene to help their kids out. But other parents just constantly interfere and do more damage than good by doing this. So that's meddling.

M: Yes. So to meddle is a verb and it's negative, dear listener, okay, so you want to change something, it's not your responsibility. And it's annoying. For example, my brother always meddles in my activities. So he just calls me and tells me what to do.

R: Do you know the adjective?

M: What's the adjective?

R: Meddlesome.

M: Meddlesome? Really?

R: My meddlesome parents are constantly interfering.

M: Really?

R: Yeah, meddlesome.

M: Yeah, so meddlesome, my meddlesome brother. So "often gets involved in situations in which you are not wanted". Okay. Yeah, we can also say that parents shouldn't meddle with things they don't understand. So meddle with things you don't understand. So yeah, very nice word. Wow.

R: It's a good one. Because lots of people who are described as meddlesome don't actually think they're being meddlesome. They think they're doing the right thing. But actually, they're just not thinking.

M: Yeah. But some people have genuine intentions of helping other people. So genuine is real, intentions, they want to do something. So they genuinely want to help. But such people usually ask. Can I help you? Or like, is there anything I can do for you? Something like this. Like not just giving you advice right away.

R: Yeah, it's important to ask for consent.

M: Teachers give guidance to students, they give advice. A teacher is like a guide.

R: Well, it depends. Some teachers, in some cultures, teachers are supposed to be the ones that tell people what to do. Whereas in others it's more of a guide that shows.

M: You can also say they usually help out. They often help out. So to help out, to help. And teachers play an important role in society. So in society, dear listener, no article. "In the society", no. If we talk about like in our society, in society.

R: Unless we were referring to a specific society, but I can't really think of there are many societies that have teachers or don't have teachers in them. So we could just talk about it in general.

M: Yeah. Usually, when we say the word society, we just say in society. Older people and young people, so older people might be obnoxious. Okay? When they give advice. Just remember your grandma telling you what to eat, and what not to eat.

R: Well, in my grandmother's case that was everything. Just eat everything, it's fine.

M: Oh, yeah. I think it's true everywhere, like in all countries, so grandmother's like they, they like it's everything. Yeah.

R: Yeah. But they're from a time where, you know, there wasn't that much food. So I guess it makes sense.

M: So obnoxious is negative. This word is negative. So very unpleasant or rude. So obnoxious colleagues, who are drunk, loud, and annoying. Like when Rory is in a bad mood, he is obnoxious to everyone.

R: Thanks.

M: Is it true, Rory?

R: No. Well, you tell me, you're the one who came up with the sentence. He said obnoxiously.

M: Well, actually, when I am in a bad mood, dear listener, when Maria is in a bad mood, she's very, truly obnoxious. So really annoying and unpleasant.

R: No. When you're in a bad mood, you're completely correct. Usually. I'm not accepting this and rightly so.

M: So older people can start off by saying something. So when they give advice, they can start off by saying, if I were you, I would do this. And this is a typical phrase we use for giving advice. Like if I were you, I'd do this. If I were you, I'd find a job. If I were you, I'd study more.

R: So this and that is like a phrase... It's a binomial I think. That's used to mean just stuff or just unimportant information to the point you're making. It's the same as saying like, if I were you, I would do bla bla bla. What it means is the important thing is the phrase before blah, blah, blah, or this and that. It's like, I'm giving you this advice, and then you're not listening. So all you hear is blah, blah, blah, this and that.

M: Yeah, could you give us another example? This and that.

R: When they are being boring, old people will talk about this and that for hours and hours. So the point is not what they actually talk about. The point is they just talk about random stuff. It's not very interesting.

M: Yeah. Or, for example, like, what were you talking about yesterday? Oh, this or that.

R: Oh, this or that.

M: Different things. And actually, dear listener, it's an idiom and it's C2 level. It's proficiency.

R: Really?

M: Oh, yeah. According to the Cambridge online dictionary. C2, dear listener. Band nine.

R: It's an idiom, but it's also a binomial then because it's like this and that. It's always this and that. It's a fixed expression. It's like fish and chips. It's never chips and fish, for example.

M: Yeah. Yeah. Older people might phrase their advice in an annoying way. So they phrase it, how they put it, how they phrase their advice. Like, oh, you must do this. And sometimes they tend to give unsolicited or unwarranted advice. A very good collocation. So if their advice is unsolicited?

R: Then you didn't ask for it.

M: And the phrase is like they usually give me, or older people usually give unsolicited advice. Yeah?

R: Well, I don't know if it's usual or not. But they certainly do this sometimes, when you're like, I didn't ask, but okay, thank you.

M: So unwarranted is formal, not having a good reason, and therefore annoying and unfair. So people need to be protected against such unwarranted intrusions into their private lives by journalists. So parents sometimes...

R: Give unsolicited and unwarranted advice.

M: Yeah, what about intrusions? Like they... Unwarranted intrusions or they...

R: Well, I suppose if it's an intrusion, that would be like they commit to unwarranted intrusions. But that makes it sound like a crime. Or you could make, you can make an intrusion as well.

M: Unwarranted. So children don't want it, but parents just interfere in their lives. A good phrasal verb, young people get put off by it. So older people give this unsolicited advice, and young people get put off by it. So put off and to get put off?

R: Their motivation to be interested in it is lost by this action. So they're not interested.

M: They are discouraged.

R: Yeah. That's great. I just gave this really long explanation. And Maria's like, yeah, they're discouraged. That's the word you're looking for. And I'm like, yeah, they lost the motivation to be interested. Sure. That's what it is.

M: Or, for example, my parents' attitude puts me off.

R: Yeah.

M: So they wanted to help but they had this attitude. Maria, you must do this, you must do... Look at yourself. Like what are you wearing? This, you know, so their attitude put me off. Right? So I'm discouraged.

R: I hope you pushed back and said, look at you and what are you wearing?

M: Oh, yeah, I wish, I wish I could. When the examiner asks you why, you can start off with like, all kinds of reasons. Why? Oh, you know, all kinds of reasons. But broadly speaking, broadly, like generally speaking, and then you give the answer. Some people were raised to be open-minded. So they grew up to be open-minded. They were raised by their parents. Okay? So I was raised by two parents, yeah? Rory was raised by whiskey, Scotland and freedom.

R: No, I was also raised by two parents.

M: What is to heed? So some people are better equipped to heed.

R: To heed is just to comprehend or accept what they've been told.

M: Oh, smells like band nine.

R: It might be or it might just be me speaking Scottish. But also the word heed in Scottish means your head.

M: Oh, right. Okay. So heed is formal, and it means paying attention to something, especially advice or warning. So heed advice or heed a warning.

R: Or if you come to Scotland, it means your head.

M: He heeded their advice.

R: Yeah, it's a regular verb. Helpful.

M: Wow. And some people are better equipped to accept advice. So maybe they were raised like this. Parents brought them up so that they kind of listened and accepted advice from other people. And some people don't take advice from others easily. So I can easily take advice, or I don't take advice easily. I am independently minded. So I mind my own business. I give myself advice, okay?

R: Well, you know what you want to do, regardless. You just don't take advice as easily. That's the thing. It's not to do with being a good or a bad person. It's just to do with how well you deal with advice from other people.

M: Elderly people are vested with a lot of influence.

R: So if you're vested with something, it means you're given it by an outside source. So politicians, rightly or wrongly are vested with power. Elderly people in some cultures are vested with a lot of influence. The police are vested with the power to arrest you. Maria and I are vested with the power to teach English because we have qualifications from extremely highly respected institutions.

M: We have a wealth of experience, dear listener.

R: And qualifications.

M: Yes.

R: My delta certificate is on the way.

M: Delta qualified. People can face different problems. So they ask many people for advice, ask for advice. And they have, they might have different problems. Rory used this word, plurality. Plural - plurality. I can't even pronounce it.

R: Plurality just means a lot of different kinds of things. A plurality of opinions, a plurality of... It's usually a plurality of opinions, a plurality of views.

M: Yes, dear listener, so plural, like students, it's in the plural, many students. A plurality of opinions.

R: And the opposite would be uniformity or unity of opinion.

M: Ooh, nice. And if you are given lots of different advice, it is difficult to narrow down the best advice. So you have a lot of options, and you have to narrow them down and choose only one. So you have like 10 pieces of advice.

R: Yeah.

M: Difficult to narrow it down and choose only one. It's C2, proficiency level, deal listener. Band nine. So a phrasal verb - to make a number or a list of things smaller. For example, we have a lot of students, so we narrowed the list of students from 10 to 2 students. Okay? So you narrow it down, and reduce the number. Thank you very much for listening! And we'll get back to you in our next epic episode. Bye!

R: Bye!

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