📘 Part 3: Happiness

This episode's vocabulary

Temperament (noun) - the part of your character that affects your moods and the way you behave.

By default - happening or done because no formal choice or decision has been made.

Proverbial (adj.) - well known.

Subjective (adj.) - influenced by or based on personal beliefs or feelings, rather than based on facts.

Neurotransmitter (noun) - a chemical that carries messages between neurons or between neurons and muscles.

Sufficient (adj.) - enough for a particular purpose.

Inferior (adj.) - not good, or not as good as someone or something else.

Fleeting (adj.) - short or quick.

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Questions and Answers

M: Let's talk about happiness, Rory. How can people be happy?

R: Well, it's probably easier to list the ways they can be sad, since that always involves some sort of discomfort, whether it's emotional or physical. They can do the things that give them pleasure, or they can lose themselves in it for a few hours. That could be anything from playing action packed games to reading a very good book, people can get happiness out of just about anything, depending on their temperament.

M: Do you think failures help people feel happiness?

R: I suppose. If it helps them find the thing that gives them happiness, and avoid the thing that gives them the discomfort of failure in the future, then yes, but it wouldn't be the, or rather, it shouldn't be the first thing that we look to to achieve happiness. And I don't think that's how it works. For most people, they try and avoid failure by default.

M: How do people express happiness in your culture?

R: By singing about it from the proverbial rooftops, it seems, and that's not a criticism, since we all do it to some extent. People post things on social media, they text or they tell their friends, and they usually have smiles on their faces, it's difficult to miss.

M: Are people in your country happier now than they were 30 years ago?

R: Before I was born? I don't know. I think there have been measurements of subjective happiness that over the course of history, and apparently, measures of subjective happiness and well being are going down. So going by that people are less happy. However, I think happiness is the really difficult thing to measure. And it's probably not the most important thing.

M: And can money make people happy?

R: In and of itself? No. But money allows you to access the things that can make you happy more easily. But it's not like an automatic ticket to happiness. I mean, you still have to have the drive to go and actually get the thing and work to make the money.

M: Do you think happiness has any effect on people? And how?

R: Well we don't think now. Like, we know that the state of happiness is connected to the release of certain neurotransmitters. And usually, if you're well balanced, when someone else is happy, then you're happy for them too. Alternatively, if you're a bit of a miserable person, then you might wish something terrible would happen to them based on that alone. So it definitely has an effect on the person experiencing it and others.

M: Is it good for people to be unhappy?

R: Well, being unhappy is usually a sign that something is wrong. So that's your brain's way of letting you know that this is the case, and you should do something to fix it. So with that, in mind, unhappiness can be necessary, but not sufficient to living a good life, because you still have to fix the problem, don't you?

M: Is it important to have goals in life in order to feel happy?

R: That will depend entirely on the kind of person that you are, I would imagine. Because some people like working towards something, and that gives them meaning in life. Whereas some people like to just create a constant, stable environment that allows them to be happy, pretty much consistently all the time, that I don't think either of those is inferior to the other. It's just how life works. People are different.

M: Why do some people say happiness never lasts long?

R: Well, it could be based on personal experience, or it doesn't last long, really, when you think about it. Happiness is very fleeting. In comparison to things that are longer lasting and more beneficial, like a sense of meaning in your life. It's nice when it comes along. But it's not like the main thing. So they're probably speaking from experience, whether firsthand or secondhand.

M: And how can one define happiness?

R: That's a really good question. Because in many ways, happiness is like a shared good feeling that everyone experiences. And you don't really have to explain it that much very often. I suppose if you're a biologist, then you could probably measure the amount of neurotransmitters in someone's head, but maybe just a general positive good feeling towards all expressed throughout your person.

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Discussion

M: Well, happiness is the state of being happy. Okay? The definition.

R: That's the dictionary definition, but like that's a bit cold and sterile.

M: It is.

R: Like happiness is the state of being happy. Great. That doesn't really tell you a great deal, does it? Like you need to delve into these things.

M: What was about Wikipedia? So happiness is positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment, it's like when you're pleased, to intense joy. Other forms include life satisfaction, well being, subjective well being, flourishing and something I can't pronounce. So yeah, like something you know, happiness is something positive. Or is like, when you experience different emotions, ranging from contentment to intense joy.

R: But that, you still like, if you're having a real conversation about this, you want to drill down into that meaning, I don't think contentment and happiness is the same thing. Not at all. Happiness is stronger, and more fleeting. Contentment is just something that... It's like being satisfied, maybe slightly more than satisfied. Just like, everything's going well.

M: What about fleeting? Fleeting, you mean, it's just whoa, like this?

R: Yeah, it doesn't last a very long time. It's like mayflies.

M: Mayflies. They come and go. Yeah, you can say like, happiness is fleeting, so it doesn't last long. Also, you can say that happiness is an emotional state, characterized by feelings of joy, satisfaction, and again, contentment.

R: If you're a walking dictionary, okay. Like have some poetry in your soul, for heaven's sake.

M: Have poetry in your soul. Yeah, I'm reading from a verywellmind.com. Signs of happiness. Feeling like you're leading the life you want it feeling that the conditions of your life are good. Rory, do you have this? Tick, tick, feeling that you have accomplished that you want in your life, or obviously Rory has accomplished things with this podcast, feeling satisfied with your life, feeling positive.

R: Feeling that you've accomplished things in your life.

M: Yeah.

R: That's not happiness. Because happiness is something that's happening now.

M: Yeah, but like happiness involves fulfillment.

R: Yeah, that's very different.

M: Yeah, but now you can feel fulfillment. Because you've accomplished things in the past, right?

R: Yes. But I assumed I was feeling happy at the time that I finished everything.

M: Hmm. Okay.

R: It's very broad. No, it's too broad. We need to narrow it down.

M: Hedonistic happiness. Hedonic. Hedonic, you say? Hedonic?

R: Hedonic.

M: Hedonic happiness, hedonic.

R: That's just like pleasure seeking behavior.

M: Yeah. pleasure seeking behavior, Dorian Gray, hedonism. So, dear listener, we're already discussing the vocabulary and also ideas, because you know, you go to the exam, and they ask you, what is happiness?

R: No, they ask you, how would you? How would you feel? No, how do people in your country feel like now compared to 30 years ago?

M: And you are 22? And you're sitting there thinking, hmm, I'm 22, 30 years ago... Yeah.

R: If you're quick, you could turn it into a fun joke, though.

M: You can. Like before I was born?

R: Before I was born?

M: Yeah. And then you can laugh.

R: Of course, people are much happier since I've been born.

M: So see, dear listener, it's informal, it's natural. Some questions are ridiculous. So go ahead, you can crack jokes, make the examiner laugh. And, like, you can listen back to Rory's answers. And notice how natural he is. So if he doesn't know something, he just say oh, like, you know, I have no idea. Or he cracks a joke. He makes a joke. So yeah, feel free to do that. Especially with the topic of happiness. And then like how would you define happiness. Define - like give a definition. How would you explain happiness? And you go like, wow. And I think Rory, you said something like, oh, that's, that's a hard question. Or that's an interesting question. So you see, reaction to the question, or how one defines happiness. You know, it's, it's quite philosophical. If you want me to give you a dictionary. Definition. And then you go and quote Wikipedia. So how can people be happy? Rory mentioned different, like emotional, they can feel happy in on an emotional level and physical. Yeah?

R: Yeah, you can get it from, well people can get comfort or discomfort on an emotional level and a physical level. But then we switch to happiness. We talk about things that give them pleasure. So to give pleasure, to lose themselves. So if you lose yourself, it just means you're not really present in the moment. You're enjoying everything, not really thinking about other things.

M: Can our listeners lose themselves in our podcast? Just go wild and crazy on our episodes.

R: I hope they can. But if they can't, then do not worry, you don't need to lose yourself. Indeed, you're supposed to be critically aware of the grammar and vocabulary. So that might not be helpful in this case.

M: So people can do anything from playing action packed games, to reading a good book, action packed games, just like action games, right?

R: Yeah. I said a very good book, but like, really, what I should have said is like an engrossing book or something like that, which means you get lost in the story. That would have matched up quite nicely, wouldn't it?

M: Yeah, to get lost in the story, to read an engrossing book, something like Agatha Christie. And then you can say like, okay, people can get happiness out of just about anything, we can get happiness out of anything, right? Out of, I don't know, Coca Cola, out of McDonald's. Out of, I don't know thin air, and out of this podcast, surely. Depending on their... How would you pronounce this word?

R: Temperament, temperament.

M: Temperament. On a person's temperament, like on their character, right? On their, I don't know levels of passion. Of the levels of their emotions, perhaps. Temperament. And we can talk about failures, failure. To fail. Failures. An interesting question. Can failures make people happy? Yeah, and Rory said like the discomfort of failure. And then you said something by default. How do I use this phrase by default?

R: It's just like, it's the main option that appears first. So people don't usually seek out failure in order to find happiness. Usually they try and go with what makes them feel good. That's the default option, or the default setting.

M: The default option. How do people express happiness? We can express happiness. We can be happy, express happiness. And I suggested that Scottish people drink whiskey and wear kilts. This is their expression of happiness.

R: That's how people make themselves happy.

M: And Rory said that by singing about it from the proverbial rooftop.

R: Proverbial.

M: Proverbial. What does it mean - proverbial?

R: That just means like, imaginary metaphorical rooftops. They're not real rooftops, you don't get up on a rooftop and sing. But it's like an expression to sing something from the rooftops, which just means to tell everyone in a really happy and excited way about something. Usually good news.

M: Yeah, so really, it doesn't mean it literally. So Scottish people don't move to a rooftop and start shouting. I'm happy! Scotland freedom! So maybe we want them to do it. But they don't usually do it in real life. Right, Rory? They don't?

R: I hope not, it's very dangerous.

M: Yeah. So you see, the expression, it's the expression. Idiomatic phrase, that you sing about it from the rooftop, but actually, you don't. Yeah? So Rory is making a joke here, dear listener, right? So how do people express happiness? By singing about it from the rooftops. You know? Yeah. And then he went on to talk about some serious things. So people post things on social media, they text each other. They tell friends, they smile, they have smiles on their faces. What else do people do?

R: Write about it in their diary?

M: Yeah, or they like hug people. They share the happiness with others, right? They tell everybody that they love everybody. Yeah? Or they kind of they share things. They give away certain things, emotions and, I don't know, money, for example. If you feel happy, dear listener, keep listening to our premium and you know what to do. Okay. What about subjective happiness? What did you mean when you said, Oh, happiness is subjective.

R: That's just people's own assessments of their happiness. So it's not like someone set up a way to measure the happiness like we have with meters and centimeters, and you say, oh, you have this many units of happiness. No, people just say like, I feel happy and then you have to rely on their personal feelings and opinions about it.

M: Can you imagine that? If we had such an application, you know, you download it and then you go like oh, you have 10 units of happiness. You know, mayday, mayday, you need more units of happiness, please purchase more units of happiness.

R: You already have that, though. It's called your brain. It tells you when you're not feeling happy.

M: Yeah.

R: If we ever come to the day when we need a computer to tell us that we're happy or that we're not happy, then we have lost ourselves.

M: True. Yeah, you will may not notice. But yeah, I think our brain knows. So it's very hard to measure happiness, right? So you can say happiness is quite subjective. It's hard to measure and how one measures happiness. And also remember that happiness is fleeting. So it's like... And that's it, right? But can happiness stay? Do you think it's kind of, it could be with us on a long term?

R: No, it's fleeting.

M: Really?

R: Then it's not happiness, then it's something more like contentment.

M: Really?

R: Because there's this theory. And I think this might be what it is, I need to double check. I think it's called hedonic adaptation system, which means the greater the intensity of the happiness that you feel, the more likely you are to pursue something to increase that high. So that's why you have people that go to all kinds of extreme forms of behavior in order to get more happiness. In the pleasure sense, I mean. So that's not so good for them, usually.

M: Yeah. But it's always like this with pleasure. Once you kind of get pleasure, then you want then more, more and more. And then yeah, the dosage should be increased every time. Because it's just not enough anymore. Right? Hmm. Interesting.

R: I think that's what it's called. But like, if it's there consistently for a long time. And it can do really bad things to you. Which leads us quite nicely to our question about money because money can do this. You see this happening with rich people all the time.

M: Right. Yeah. So keep buying stuff, right? To make you happy. And Rory said that money gives... Gives, right? So money gives access, right? To things which can make you happy. And you've used an interesting expression, money is not an automatic ticket to happiness. Money is not a ticket to your happiness.

R: Well, it's not. It can help but it's not. Think about like rich people that have everything that they want. And they're still absolutely miserable. Because again, they still have to like keep striving for more. And there's only so much that you can do. And then you know, there are people who have... They don't have nothing but they have comparatively less than like multibillionaires and their lives are quite pleasant experiences, to be honest. They might not be able to, you know, afford a private jet or a holiday in a tropical country. But they still like have nice lives. They can read the books they want. They can watch videos on the internet, they could listen to our podcasts. And that's fine, and everything's okay.

M: Yeah.

R: So having lots of money is not an automatic ticket to happiness. No, it can help but it's not the only thing.

M: Money is not an automatic ticket to happiness. Dear listener, this is what you should tell the examiner and tell them to write it down. Tell them that Rory Duncan Fergus...

R: How can you not know my name after 8 years?

M: Because you have like, what, five names? Six names?

R: Four.

M: Four?

R: No, I will not be subjected to this kind of abuse by a Russian person because you always have at least three names.

M: Well, I have one name, one surname and one middle name. And you have one name, one surname and two middle names. Or two middle names? Or two surnames? Or two names?

R: What's the word that you have different names? Like Maria, Masha?

M: Well, yeah, yeah. Okay, fine, fine, fine. All right. If you wanna get technical, dear listener, you can say that happiness is connected to the release of certain neurotransmitters, endorphins, hormones. And if you're well balanced, then everything is balanced in your head. You can also talk about miserable people. So happy people, miserable people, right? Unhappy people.

R: Thank you very much for listening! Hopefully, our grammar and vocabulary has made you happy.

M: Happy, happy, happy!

R: And if you're very happy with our answers, then you could always tell your friends about us and make them happy too. Bye!

M: Bye!

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