📘 Part 3: Help

This episode's vocabulary

Astray (adj.) - away from the correct path or correct way of doing something.

Confront (verb) - to face, meet, or deal with a difficult situation or person.

Hedge (noun) - a line of bushes or small trees planted very close together, especially along the edge of a garden, field, or road.

Mere (adj.) - used to emphasize that something is not large or important.

Hint (verb) - something that you say or do that shows what you think or want, usually in a way that is not direct.

Give someone a hand - to give someone help.

Burden (noun) - something difficult or unpleasant that you have to deal with or worry about.

Compromise (verb) - to accept that you will reduce your demands or change your opinion in order to reach an agreement with someone.

One way street - if you describe an agreement or a relationship as a one-way street, you mean that only one of the sides in the agreement or relationship is offering something or is benefitting from it.

Devil is in the details - details are important; problems or difficulties are often in the details.

Aid (noun) - help or support.

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Questions and Answers

M: So Rory, what kinds of help do children need when they're very young?

R: Well, all kinds. I think the most obvious is physical support when learning to walk or ride a bike, and you hold their hands when crossing the street to stop them from going astray. Then as they get older, the support becomes more emotional, like in the form of advice or comfort as they confront the struggles of life for the first time.

M: How can people help their elderly neighbors?

R: I think they could learn a lot from my dad. He does the gardens, trims their hedges, collects the posts for them, just about everything else. Once even had to call an ambulance after one of them took a fall. I think that's just a short summary of what can be done though. And this is ignoring all of the mental support, like just keeping people company and chatting to them. Though, loneliness amongst old people is a real problem where I'm from.

M: What are the differences between the help people give their friends and help people give strangers?

R: Well, in general, there's a greater willingness to help friends than strangers. And a similar pattern is sort of reflected to the extent of the support provided. So, for example, you're more likely to lend money to a friend, and you're more likely to give larger amounts to friends than strangers. You can see this in like sort of the mere pennies homeless people get compared to the time, well, I sent someone a few thousand pounds once to help them out.

M: Let's talk about the receiving help. What do people do when they need help?

R: Well, usually they hint at needing it before outright asking. They describe the problem in some detail. And then there's some expectation you will sort of volunteer your support. Feeling that they often apologize and say something like sorry, but could you give me a hand with and then describe whatever the problem is.

M: Why do some people refuse to accept help from their friends?

R: Well, most people don't like to be seen as a burden to others, which is one way of thinking about accepting help. Others are too proud, and this will not allow them to do something to compromise it. Still more think that they don't have an issue at all, and they're not willing to accept it.

M: Do people expect to receive something in return for their helping others?

R: Most of the time yes. Though, it doesn't seem that it has to be some great reward, usually a thank you and the warm feeling you get from helping is enough. Of course, this will vary based on the extent of the support provided and the relationship you have with the person involved. If you save someone's life, and they want to give you money to say thanks, then you could accept it with little guilt, for example.

M: Let's talk about the reasons for giving help. Do you agree that helping someone can be as rewarding for the helper as for the person who they help?

R: I think so, though, I have no idea how you would even begin to measure that. I mean we all know it's usually never a one way street, though, and you do feel great after helping people.

M: What makes someone want to help people they have never met?

R: Well, lots of factors that conscience, their faith, social pressure, maybe guilt if they feel partially responsible for the situation. I'm also increasingly convinced that people are sort of fundamentally good and want to do this because it's just in their nature.

M: Richer countries have an obligation to help poorer countries. What do you think?

R: Though, we should all try to help where we can, but the devil is sort of in the details here. It depends who's responsible for the situation and in what sense the countries are poor. It seems silly for a country like the UK to give money to India when India's got a space program, for example. Although there are many people there, the country is very rich.

M: Rory, thank you so much for your answers.

R: Thank you for insulting our Indian listeners...

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Discussion

M: So, giving help and receiving help. So when we help children, we give them physical support, and emotional support. Okay? So physical support is when we hold their hands to stop them going astray.

R: Yes. So physical support is something that you do with your body or to support someone's, well, physical form anyway. So for example, crutches give you physical support a wheelchair gives you physical support, holding somebody up when they might fall down is physical support. And going astray is just when you're not sticking to the path that you should be. So you can go straight physically when you walk off the path, or you can go astray.

M: Emotionally?

R: Well, yes, I was thinking more like metaphysically, though. In life, if you like, go down the wrong path in life. If you become a drug addict or something, then that's also going astray.

M: Oh, so if Vanya hadn't started this podcast, he would have gone astray somewhere in... Where was he, in Beijing? Right?

R: Yeah, well, he would have been working for BKC still.

M: Yeah. Well, we would have been working for BKC. No, I wouldn't I would be dead, I'd rather die.

M: Bright. Okay. And when we talk about giving help to elderly neighbors, elderly, well, older people, right, but we can say elderly people. So we can do their gardens, do their gardens, trim hedges. They are very specific words, beautiful. Trim hedges and collect the post for them.

R: The post is there mail.

M: Mail, yeah. What about trim hedges?

R: The hedges are the, well, the hedges are like bowls of plants.

M: And you just trim them.

R: Yeah. You keep them tidy.

M: Right. Okay. So these are specific actions that you can do to help the elderly. Really nice structure likely, okay. It's good for the essay, it's good for your speaking. For example, you are more likely to lend money to a friend than to a stranger, lend money, Rory.

R: To let someone borrow something.

M: Right. So I'm poor, I go to Rory and tell him, Rory, could you give me some money for new shoes. I need new shoes. Without them I won't survive.

R: No. The money I lend to people was because they needed it because they were absolutely destitute or because they needed help with their visas. I didn't do it just so they could buy something frivolous like shoes.

M: Whatever. So I go to Rory, so in my story, dear listener, I go to Rory. He lends me the money, so he gives me the money and I buy new shoes.

R: That is not how our relationship works.

M: Fine.

R: However...

M: I'm upset now.

R: I'm sure you'll recover.

M: He is not giving me any money. You can give me hand. Give me hand. Not a leg. Not a head. Give me hand, Rory.

R: Yes, give someone hand - to help them.

M: Yep. It's an informal phrase, which could be used in speaking because speaking is informal. And when people need help, they usually hint at needing help, hint at something.

R: So if you hint at something, then you sort of tell people like you say, oh, wouldn't it be great if someone would help me? Like trying to push them in the direction of offering you some help.

M: Yeah, something like, oh, Rory, I have nothing to wear. You know, I had to throw out my shoes because they are old. And now I have this dress and I really need shoes, you see. But I don't have any money. So, and Rory goes, Oh, Maria, would you like me to give you some money and I go, yay.

R: That is very unlikely to happen.

M: You see, I was hinting at needing new shoes. And Rory's money. Money, money. Okay, we say money traditional standard English. Now, Rory, you said that most people don't like being seen as a burden.

R: Yeah. So burden is like someone that you have to help but you don't get anything from it. It's just like a constant cost and resources.

M: What can be a burden? Or who can be a burden?

R: Who or what can be a burden?

M: Yes. Who or what?

R: Well, some people feel like their elderly relatives are a burden, because they just take take take heed all the support and time. I don't think that's true. But some people feel this way.

M: Yeah, children could be a burden. Old people could be a burden, right? And giving someone help could be a burden, right? If you invest all your money, your resources and give them help, so it could be a burden. And for example, you can say that most people don't like being seen as a burden. So the passive voice superstructure don't like being seen, like to be seen as a burden. Beautiful. One of the questions was about, is it rewarding?

R: Yes, so that's like the opposite. If you're a burden, then the help being given as a problem. But if something is rewarding then it makes you feel good.

M: Yes, for example, our podcast, like doing our podcast is rewarding because people do get high scores for writing. For writing? For speaking. Yeah, for IELTS they do write to us saying, oh, yes, I've passed IELTS and I have this score. So this is rewarding, right? So doing what we're doing is rewarding. I like the phrase, I'm also increasingly convinced that people bla, bla, bla.

R: Yeah, so I'm also increasingly convinced just means that I think more and more that something is true. I'm increasingly convinced that people are fundamentally good. I'm increasingly convinced that six hour long recordings are perhaps not the best of ideas.

M: I'm increasingly convinced that we should help people. And the more you help other people, the more help you're given, perhaps, right? So, yeah, just help people help. Again, if you can help help, if you can't help, don't help, I think. All right. And the devil is in the detail.

R: We talked about this before. Haven't we?

M: Yes, Yes, we did. But that's a nice expression. The devil is in the details here. Beautiful.

R: Yeah, it just means that you, well, the problems in any big project or task are not in the general idea, but in terms of the small parts of implementing them.

M: When we talk about helping other people, we can use synonyms. So give me a hand, help me. Or you can say just help me, all right? Or aid. There's this word aid. For example, different countries should provide financial aid to poorer countries, right. So aid, financial aid, international aid, any other examples that you normally use, instead of like help? Help me, help me. Help.

R: There's help, aid, support.

M: Support, right. We provide help, we give help. Help me out. That's a nice one too.

R: It's a phrasal verb.

M: It is a phrasal verb. So help me out. And hopefully our work today has helped you out.

M: With your vocabulary about giving and receiving help.

R: Bye!

M: Bye!

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