📘 Part 3: Parents and children

This episode's vocabulary

To navigate (verb) - to successfully find a way from one place to another.

Consumerism(noun) - the situation in which too much attention is given to buying and owning things.

Wasteful (adj.) - using something in a careless way and causing some of it to be wasted.

Guidance (noun) - help and advice about how to do something or about how to deal with problems connected with your work, education, or personal relationships.

Trial and error - a way of achieving something or solving a problem by trying a number of different methods and learning from the mistakes you make.

Dependency (noun) - a situation in which you need something or someone and are unable to continue normally without them.

To call the shots (idiom) - to be in the position of being able to make the decisions that will influence a situation.

Progressively (adv.) - steadily and continuously.

Scaffolding (noun) - a raised structure that supports workers and materials during work on a building.

Womb (noun) - the organ in the lower body of a woman or female mammal where offspring are conceived and in which they gestate before birth.

Struggle (noun) - a very difficult task that you can do only by making a great effort.

Inevitable (adj.) - certain to happen and unable to be avoided or prevented.

To pose (verb) - to cause something, especially a problem or difficulty.

Isolated (adj.) - feeling unhappy because of not seeing or talking to other people.

Ungrounded (adj.) - someone who is ungrounded makes bad decisions and says or does stupid things

To bare (verb) - to carry the weight of.

To embody (verb) - to be an expression of or give a tangible or visible form to (an idea, quality, or feeling).

Сut-and-dried (idiom) - prepared or settled in advance; not needing much thought or discussion.

Questions and Answers

M: Do you think there are too many rules for children to follow?

R: Oh, there are too many rules for everyone to follow, frankly. Our world's a very complex place to navigate. It would be better to teach them principles that they could apply generally like treating others as you would like to be treated. That's a fairly safe bet since very few people want to be treated badly. And if you give them a million rules to follow, how exactly are they supposed to remember them anyway?

M: Do you think children should have many toys?

R: Well, not really. It encourages mindless consumerism from an early age. I mean, if they just keep seeing their parents buying and consuming without end, what sort of lesson does that teach? It's pretty wasteful as well, not just of money, but of opportunities to use their imaginations. There are some great videos of kids using cardboard boxes for different things. And it looked like a lot of fun, in addition to being quite creative as well.

M: Do you think it's good for parents to help their children choose friends?

R: Assuming they're still actually children, then yes, it's fine to provide a little guidance. After all, children are still developing their understanding of how people work. So they can't just learn through trial and error. That's not to say that parents should take complete control of the process. Since that might create dependency if they're calling all the shots all the time.

M: How can parents help children to make decisions?

R: Ideally, leading by example, I suppose. If they show children how to make a good decision, and then progressively involve them in more and more of them, then that seems like a good way of scaffolding that development. For example, when choosing food, they could talk about the nutritional value of food and give the kids some options to pick from.

M: At what age should children start to make their decisions?

R: Well, they are human beings, so they probably start doing this automatically, as soon as they exit the womb, right? I mean, they're constantly choosing from an expanding range of behaviours that can be used in different situations. If, for instance, they decide to cry when they want food, and later they can choose whether to cry or to ask nicely, I think it might be better to talk about when they should start making more complex choices. But that wasn't really the question, was it?

M: What are some of the biggest challenges that parents face when raising children?

R: Not being a parent myself, it's hard to say with any certainty. But I think anything connected to overcoming fear is a big one. For example, the fear of having children and being afraid of being a bad parent. I think that's something everyone struggles with at some point. They might also have to deal with the changes that come with having children like less time for themselves and their friends. It's almost inevitable, now I think about it.

M: Do you think that parents today face different challenges than parents did in the past?

R: The shape of the challenges has probably changed, but not the essential nature. I mean, a million years ago, it was predatory animals, and now it's predatory people which pose a bigger problem. However, the issue of how to keep children safe still lies at the core of it and I imagine the principles for the solutions aren't much different either.

M: What do you think are some of the most important things that parents can do to help their children grow up to be responsible and successful adults?

R: Trying to avoid repeating the mistakes of the past is always a good one. So say your parents gave up their time with you to work and make money. But that left you a bit isolated and ungrounded as an adult. You would want to make sure you spent more quality time with your children, trying to teach them life skills that are practical, like cooking, or it's useful, like how to manage conflict should also be a priority. Though it seldom is in my experience.

M: What are some of the most effective discipline techniques for children?

R: I think that's a question people have been trying to answer for hundreds of years now. To be honest, it's less about techniques than things which are ongoing. By that I mean, barring some sort of severe condition, usually having a clear routine with equally obvious expectations about behaviour and consequences for poor choices, and rewards for good ones work quite well. I think it's important for adults to embody a good example of how to behave decently themselves if they're going to expect it of children. None of those are cut-and-dried techniques but guiding principles like we talked about before.

M: Thank you Rory for your answers!