📉 The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019.
Rory's had his morning coffee and is ready to break down a top-scoring essay! Discover the exact phrases and structures needed to describe trends and make powerful comparisons for a Band 9 score.
The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Hi! It's Rory here. I'll be very informal with my commentary on the writing because I had my coffee this morning and I'm feeling very chipper!
Intro: The given line graphs illustrate how electrical appliance ownership and housework time changed in a specific country from 1920 to 2019.
"What a quality opening with some good paraphrasing and starting out with some past simple to show the period of time in question has finished."
P1: It is clear from the graph that the proportion of households which owned refrigerators soared from just over 0% in 1920 to 100% in 1980 when it levelled off. Other items also experienced upward trends, but to a lesser extent. The percentage of homes that owned washing machines started at a much higher figure at 40% and they reached a peak at 75% in 2019 after a slight dip in the middle of the period in question. By contrast, there was a dramatic growth in the vacuum cleaners which started at 30% in 1920 reaching the maximum uptake of 100% in 2000, 20 years after the refrigerators.
"We look at the biggest trends here - everything is going up - starting with the biggest change, moving into the relatively smaller ones and using some nice comparative language between them. There are several good phrases to describe the nature of the trends in the graphs such as "level off" and "reaching the maximum uptake". Nice!"
P2: In contrast to the general upward trend of electrical appliance uptake, there was a corresponding downward trend in the time spent on housework throughout the given period. The number of hours spent on washing clothes, cooking meals and cleaning fell significantly from 50 hours per week in 1920 to 20 in 1960. By 2019 the figure had declined by half to only 10 hours per week.
"A nice linker is used to connect this paragraph to the previous one which continues to the word "corresponding", which is a nice way of saying "similar" or "in the same place" for trends. Changes in quantity are marked with verbs like "fell" and "declined". All of this is in the past tense as if should be for something ending in 2019."
Conclusion: Overall, while the percentage of homes with electrical appliances rose significantly, the total time spent on housework decreased by the end of the period in question.
"Finally, a strong overall statement which captures the theme of the two main paragraphs. The use of "while" and the pattern that goes with it brings both together nicely. Quality work, team!"